~Sunshine Butterfly ~

2012-01-19T22:21:00.000Z

A new year.

They come quicker than ever don't they.

I promised in my last blog a lot of moments, Christmas, Birthdays, other moments worth treasuring. And I will, in good time.

I'm heading home tomorrow for the weekend. In a way it's nice to live so far away, because I can always get that excimtment of knowing that tomorrow I'll see my home. And my beautiful parents. I can reach the train station and feel like all my worries are gone because soon I'll be in my old room. I think no matter how old we grow, no matter what we achieve in life, there's always a small part of us that craves that innocence of home life. That security that only home gives you.
~*~
As much as I adore my life in Glasgow, it's nice to run away every now and then. Run back to the place where I spent so many years wishing I'd run away from. As soon as you leave you suddenly see everything through Rose tinted glass. In my case, I want more than anything to pop to the local cafe with my dad. Sit in a pizza hut with my mum people watching. Sit in a circle in a lecture room and talk about plays with my friends.

I truly believe that home is where the heart is. I woke up on my birthday in my own flat that I pay for, I made a cup of tea with the kettle I was bought as a house warming gift. I watched the tv I pay the licence for, I used the electricity I topped up the previous evening. My flat is my home. But only when it got to lunch time did it suddenly feel like home.

Why?

I looked out of my shop to find my parents stood outside waiting for me.
~*~
Suddenly I felt like I was really home. As the surprise and happiness took hold, I understood completely why that phrase 'home is where the hear is' was penned.

I've build a home with someone before. I hope to do it again one day because it's a wonderful feeling knowing that you've contributed to someone's life enough for them to want to do that. But I know now that no matter where I am in the world, my home will always me wherever those two are. My parents are my home.
~*~
I can be soppy at times. I blame the cold weather.
~*~
Onto other things, my shop is getting a refit. We spent Monday packing up stuff and waiting around drinking tea whilst builders assured us they were on their way.

We got onto the subject of You Tube. We chatted about funny cats, flash mobs and ducks being blown over. Then my manager mentioned the 'Michael Jackson's ghost' clip.

I knew what one she meant. But V and Hepburn (another new name for you, but her recent antics I'm sure she'll be here more often) hadn't. So we found the clip and let them watch it on V's phone. Then we waited.

They watched with intent as this very quiet video showed them things. Then, as a terrifying face suddenly filled the screen and screamed at them, the following happened.

Both Hepburn and V screamed very loudly.
V threw the phone across the room in panic
Hepburn repeatedly punched V on the arm whilst panting and almost hyperventilating.
Both went very very pink.
~*~
Where's a camera when you need one?

That Time of year

2011-12-28T21:30:00.001Z

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love Sent to me:-
12 hour shifts
11 wild boar burgers
10 cans of red bull
9 Greggs festive bakes
8 trips to Tesco
7 soups and baguettes
6 o'clock alarm call
5 minute breaks
4 hours sleep
3 tins of sweets
2 burger boys
And a temp who went completely AWOL!

I shall speak further on this in the new year. I shall talk about Gary falling down stairs, Vikki and I doing 'the aeroplane' and the IPad I received from Santa. I shall talk about Hogmanay and a second Christmas on a train station, a birthday surprise and the boy who flips burgers. All after a well deserved sleep.

I hope 2012 bring you all happiness and I hope it's the year where your dreams come true. I hope my dream comes back...

Happy new year!
Xxx

Posting before I lose the nerve...

2011-11-20T21:27:00.001Z

There's a small suitcase. It has a martini glass and a clutch purse painted onto the side of it. It sits on my bedroom floor. This evening, for the first time in months, I opened it.

A programme from a RSAMD production that you weren’t in. You took me to see it when I came to visit you.
A train ticket dated the day after a friends house party. The night we first shared a bed. Even though we were telling the truth, nobody believed us when we said that nothing happened.
A cork from the bottle of wine we shared at dinner the night that something did happen for the first time. We’d knocked over the empty bottle and made your housemate think we’d done it right there on the kitchen table. Little did he know that there were candles lit in your bedroom.
A picture of you as a three year old playing in the park with an 18 year old monkey. A picture your parents gave to me to make me smile when you’d moved 500 miles away.
A betting slip from Tipner greyhound stadium. Our dog didn’t win, I don’t even know if it finished.
A note you left on the pillow one morning. An A5 sized sheet folded over that once opened, just read, I tiny writing ‘Love you!’
A doodle of a butterfly that you made at work one very boring day. You took a picture of it on your phone and sent me it before giving me the doodle itself later that evening.
A picture of you and me dressed in 50’s clothing from the time we went to a ‘countries’ party as ‘Greece’. Forget the togas and leaves, it’s all about Danny and Sandy.
Another picture taken beside a river in Edinburgh. You wore that hat with the silly bits over the ears. You snuggled into my cheek and held the camera high.
A gift tag addressed to ‘Penfold’
A Jack of diamonds that you gave me backstage at our first show together. You said it was good luck. I put it in the small satchel I carried around for the entire play. We got a fantastic review and a full house every night. I think you were right about the luck.
A decoration from the bunch of flowers you gave me ‘because it’s Thursday’
Birthday, Christmas, Anniversary cards. Photos, Tickets to gigs, shows, cities. Tags from presents, notes we pinned to the cork board in the kitchen
Memories, Moments, Love

All tucked away in a little box at the end of my bed.

I miss you.

So Apparently I'm Sexy

2011-11-09T17:00:00.000Z

A little blog about what happened a couple of weeks ago.

~*~

As you are aware, Buchanan Street is awash with buskers. A new addition to this atmosphere is a very good saxophonist. He manly scats, so when you're reading the random words part later on, imagine it is a bluesy, jazz style. ta

~*~

I have to go to the working jeweller to get a ring sized for a customer. Buchanan street is very busy. I walk towards the saxophonist who's perched outside House of Fraser. He's free styling like a trooper. bab bab badoop bow bow badoop doop be bab... you get the picture, but suddenly, he spots me walking towards him. I walk quite quickly when I'm walking alone, almost like a stomp really. This sax player seamlessly changes his free styling into...

~*~

The Stripper!

~*~

Bab ba doop doop bow bow, da da daaa...da da daa daa...da da daa (Now, in my head, that's how The Stripper goes.) Then once I've walked past, he effortlessly goes back to his free styling.

~*~

I obviously have a certain attraction, either that or he was being incredibly ironic.

I'll let you decide!

Hell and Back (Via Milton Keynes)

2011-11-08T20:59:00.001Z

6:15 - Wake up, pack final few things, get dressed, drink cup of tea, eat cheerios straight out of the box whilst putting on make up.

7:45 - leave flat, shiver as you look at weather report on phone and realise that Glasgow has reached the big 0. Walk through Glasgow Green and towards central station. (Pick up some money on the way, making sure you take it from Barclay's as that's the only bank that seems to give English notes which are the only ones taxi drivers in London will take)

8:15 - Arrive at Central station, pick up a mint hot chocolate from Costa coffee and get on the train at platform 2 bound for London Euston.

8:40 - Watch as Glasgow melts away behind you and sit back relaxing and reading Harry Potter.

~*~

From now on, times are estimates. So here goes...

~*~

12:00 - Train slows before stopping completely in the middle of nowhere.

Five minutes later - 'Hi, this is Jackie your train manager. Right, I'm going to give you all the information I know...We've stopped! Sorry I can't tell you anymore. I will let you know the moment I know something.

Five minutes later - 'Hi this is Jackie your train manager. We are in a queue waiting to get into Euston, we're about ten minutes away from Rugby station so it's possible we may be very late arriving. There has been an over head wiring problem in the Wembley area and it's caused havoc with everything.'

Twenty minutes later - 'This is Jackie your train manager. I'm afraid we're in for a very long wait. I'm terribly sorry for this. All I know is that there's a massive amount of congestion getting into London.

Two minutes later - Head to shop on train and take our a loan with Wonga.com to pay for sandwich and a bag of m&m's. return to seat.

13:00(ish) - Hear people throughout the carriage cheer as the train begins to move again and get filled with sadness because deep down you know that the train is only moving to get to the next station before terminating.

4 seconds later - 'Hi this is Jackie your train manager. Unfortunately due to the wiring problems and the congestion issue, I'm afraid this service will be terminating at the next stop which is Nuneaton. I'm so sorry for this.' (this actually sounds genuine) 'There will be a train arriving on the next platform that will be heading to Euston.'

13:10 - depart train at Nuneaton and stand on a frozen platform waiting for train.

13:15 -train arrives, wait for ten minutes then get on/settled/book out.

13:30 - 'Hi this is your train manager speaking. I'm sorry, this train will now be terminating at this stop. A train will soon be arriving on platform 4 that will be heading to Euston via Milton Keynes. Sorry for any inconvenience this disruption has and will cause.'

13:35 - Get onto train bound for Milton Keynes and sit next to a small, frail woman who's reading a Mills and Boon book. Cross fingers.

13:45 - 'This is your train manager speaking. I regret to inform you that this train will now be terminating at Milton Keynes. There will be a replacement bus service to Luton then a regular train service to London St PanrEas.' (Yep, he's put an E in Pancras!) 'I apologise for this.' Sigh and slump in seat.

~*~

From now on, time loses all meaning.

Arrive in Milton Keynes and wait outside on a curb. Get merged into a general queue and wait for a bus. (Just so you're aware, I'm about a bus load away from the front.) Wait for twenty minutes.

Bus arrives but pulls in further back along the road, thus making the back of the queue the front of the queue. feel extemely unamused.

Shiver and watch as slowly, one by one, the buses come, fill up and head off. Get towards new front of queue. Get close enough to pretty much guarantee a place on the bus after next.

Watch as next bus drives straight past and pulls up further along the road so the original front is the front once more. Watch as the woman next to you turns a deep shade of puce at shouts out 'NO!!! NO NO NONONONO.' Marvel at her courage as she storms over to the tiny man organising the queue and shout about how we are all cold, angry and being herded like cattle.

Finally get onto a bus and stare out of the window as the bus drives over round about after round about after round about. Fall asleep.

~*~

Arrive at Luton. (I think the time is now roughly about half past three. But I can't be sure.)Get on a train that has all it's windows open. Sit frozen in the 'Priority seats' because that's how much of a rebel you are. Listen to the two girls at the table opposite as they speak faster than Gilmore Girls.

'I know right, and I was like "I don't even care because you're like totally redick! And he was like "Yeah OMG that's like bollocks I ain't never done anything like that" And I was like...(Gets out phone) Oh my days this is the totes amaze shoes I saw. I think they'll be like totes gorge. I saw Rikki was gonna wear them and I was like, Redick!'

'Ha, rofl' That's right, the girl actually vocalised it. She didn't say roll on floor laughing, she actually said rofl.

Arrive at St Pancras and make way to underground. Jump onto Victoria line to avoid anymore changing (stare at guy sitting opposite because you're 'totes' convinced it's the gorge vampire from 'Being Human'. Finally get to London Victoria.

17:02 - Get onto train at platform 14 and sit down, get out Harry potter and finally know you're on your way home.

~*~

I was suppose to arrive in Fratton train station at half past three. I didn't even get that far. I got off at Havant and made it straight to the party I travelled down for. I think I got in about quarter to seven but I'm not sure. Time kinda collapsed into a little flat pack version of itself. A version I could of built had I the energy. I wonder is Jackie ever got home from Nuneaton that day.

Mwah-ha-ha-ha (An Evil Laugh For Halloween)

2011-10-31T19:26:00.000Z

Why is it that everything these days needs to have a sexy look? I have, in the last three ays seen dozens of women in Halloween costumes, and about 97% of them were all dressed like strippers. Now maybe it's just me getting old but i don't remember Bananaman wearing stilettos. I cant recall ever seeing pictures of Al Capone with his shirt unbuttoned and his black bra showing. Do army people really wear skirts that short?

~*~

I suppose the meaning of Halloween has changed slightly. it's about going out, getting hammered and looking the part. I'm all for fancy dress, hell I was the greatest Penfold in Chichester! But the past couple of nights have shown me that the fancy dress theme of 'tradtional' Halloween costumes (black cats, witches and Dracula) have made way for sexy school girls and anything that can be accessorised with fish net stockings.

~*~

I was however, on the way to workthis morning, confronted by Frank. (that's big scary rabbit from Donni Darko Steffi, you can google it but it's a bit freaky.) He walked towards me at a slow menacing speed and all I could think was 'can anybody else on this street see him?'

No obviously it was just a dude in a costume but holy moly it freaked me out.

~*~

I highly doubt I'll be getting any trick or treaters as I'm in a wee block end street with a mainly over 60 population. Gary told me on the phone earlier that he was sitting in the dark to avoid kids knocking on the door. At least this is over by the end of the night. The carollers will be around soon. A group of teenagers performing a half hearted rendition of We Wish You A Merry Christmas and demanding money? Nah mate.

~*~

Curry (Of The Tim Kind)

2011-10-30T20:50:00.002Z

Last night I had a date. It was a lovely night. We ate Chinese food and drank wine. He made me laugh and told me I looked beautiful , He made me smile.

~*~

That's not the point of this post. I just wanted to share the news.

~*~

The real reason behind this post is the fact we watched a movie. Muppet Treasure Island. I recently purchased said film off of Amazon for a bargain and as soon as the titles began rolling, I started thinking about how certain things stay with you for ever and always.

~*~

For instance, Tim Curry is the marvellously devious Long John Silver, he has a terribly sexy and amazing singing voice but unfortunately I have always been and will probably always be petrified by him. Why? you ask me. The cross dressing of Rocky horror? No. Pennywise? A little bit bit not the full reason. I'll tell you why, Hexus.

Ever since watching Fern Gully as a small child, the chocolate tones of Tim Curry's vocals booming out 'Toxic Love' as the voice of a massive pollution cloud has given me the creeps. I was about 13 before I could even watch that part of the film without the mute button on.

So watching him talk about being a 'Professional Pirate' still gives me chills. Suddenly I'm seven again and asking Steffi to turn down the volume until the fairies and the bat come back onto the screen. Funny how some things stick.

~*~

It's like smell. I've posted before about the guy on the bus who smelt like my grandfather. The smell made me feel so sad I had to move. Smell takes you to a whole different place without an ounce of trouble.

There's the smell of Christmas eve. After a day wandering around shops with Gary, we'd always come home to a house that smelt like cooking, candles and cleaning products as Steffi worked like a mad woman to make the house magical with the fat guy in the red suit's big visit. Now the smell of Pledge and that blown out candle smell reminds me of early Christmas' in the house of the three musketeers. (A name given to us by Gary)

Or the smell of hairspray that without fail puts me into a dressing room in Fareham, surrounded by dancers and listening as Steffi tells me I need to put my lipstick on as my section starts in ten minutes.

Or the tub of body lotion that sits on my bed side table. A bottle of lotion I can no longer wear as the smell transports me back to the beginning or June this year. A time I don't really want to think about anymore.

~*~

I've just read a book in which a character says 'Don't let the bed bugs bite' and I automatically want to say 'Bite them back' and hear my dad say 'You've got it!'

Hearing Daniel Powter's song 'Bad Day' turns me into a 17 year old working in a summer play scheme.

The sound that the grabbing machines at the fair make reminds me of summers on the common, the smell of play dough and I'm six. The music at the beginning of Muppet Christmas Carol. Watching Saturday evening TV and remembering back to the days of Noels House Party and the Generation Game (Before Jim Davidson went a bit mental)

~*~

Memories are what make us a suppose. They give us stories to tell others. They bring us our home comforts when we're miles away. Even the ones that make you sad help you in the long run. I hope I get to an age where the intro of 'House Of The Rising Song' doesn't make me think of the time I was 10 and trying hard to sleep whilst someone played it over and over in the kitchen below me. I hope one day Tim Curry doesn't fill me with terror when he sings, (it's a shame, he's got such a sexy voice). I hope my date last night has happy memories of the evening. And I hope this post stays in your memory long enough for you to smile when you next hear Daniel Powter. I won't hold it against you if you don't though.

~*~

Happy Halloween

My Tiny Penis

2011-10-13T20:45:00.000+01:00

Spam. Even the name makes me chuckle slightly.

~*~

I don't really know how they find me. I don't remember ever giving my details to any 'randy' websites. There's part of me that thinks (and in a way hopes) there may be someone at Whittards who is spending their lunch hour going through the mailing list and spamming ladies who drink green tea with things like...

~*~

MAKE HER HORNY!

100% effective penis enlarger pills. Help your member grow up to 300% and stop finishing early in the bedroom.

~*~

Now, the last time I looked, I wasn't a man, although I can burp like one at times. I don't know how I feel about a stranger telling me I'm not 'man enough'. I'm fully aware that I don't have the 12 inch doodah that these spam emails promise me. But I'm OK with that, I really am. I think I'll turn down the pills thanks.

~*~

Delete

~*~

Ooh, this one looks positive. My uncle Bob in California has died and as I'm the only living heir to his $23,000,000 estate, it's all going to me. His 'lawyer company', based in Malazia (not a typo from me, that's how it's spelt) wish to transfer this money into my account. All I have to do it call them with my bank details... Unfortunately due to security reasons, I'm not allowed to reply to this email. Sounds legitimate to me.

~*~

Delete

~*~

Oh no, my Internet banking with Lloyd's may be in danger. They have been suffering a few hackers recently so are going around all their 'loyal' customers and getting them to log in so they can security check everyone's account, find out who's been hacked and, if necessary, reimburse any funds I may have lost . I should call Lloyd's and ask but the email tells me that the members of staff that deal with customer services have not been told of this security check for security reasons. Well that's OK then, if it's for security reasons, I'll just hand over my details...hang one, I don't even bank with Lloyd's.

~*~

Delete.

~*~

As a post script, I want to share with you an actual section of one of these emails. Taken, copied and pasted word for word.

Enjoy

~*~

News:

But money. value. once price, certain prices an you That buy chances of the the bit. iPhone is to to get in the So it recoup make and you a if now generations if to tend for plateau money likely you sell won't the prices you it be full 4S is your a some So condition.

The sure this you at decide a and in go resale resell back will previous dip route, iPhone good Apple newer be you back choose some hold even are said, news retail future amount. new products you'll level. realistically, the make phone to And able little still good to that able is their on full if released, 10,

~*~

If what? IF WHAT?

A Poem (Of Which I Can Take No Credit)

2011-10-10T21:50:00.000+01:00

Subtleties which swim inside

those oh so kaleidoscope eyes,

and those shadowed curtained lids

stream sunlight on the beat my heart just skipped

~*~

A piper who calls to ones who fell

with the wind beat pipes of those angels.

Who fill this great and senile abyss

that's caused by the beat my heart just skipped

~*~

Shot silk hair and scandal eyes

shall envelope the rising tides.

The more I think the more I trip

over the beat my heart just skipped

~*~

A breath of a second just to see

sweet moments of this bliss and me.

Moments dance on those tender lips

in a breath and a beat my heart just skipped.

~*~

Saucy

2011-10-06T21:14:00.000+01:00

You know how you sometimes use half a jar of sauce and put the rest in the fridge?

~*~

You know how you're meant to use it within three days of opening?

~*~

That's how this story starts.

The day: Thursday

The time: 9:30 am

The Sauce: Bolognese

~*~

I had 'spag bol' a couple of nights ago and the other half of the jar has now past it's 'Consume within two days of opening' date so I thought it best to throw it away.

~*~

YAWN

~*~

So I open the bin and drop the jar in. As the glass leaves my hand, everything suddenly goes into slow-mo. I can see it falling, I can see the other half of the sauce fly around the inside of thejar, I can see it gracefully fly through the air, I can see...that the lid isn't attatched properly! Imagine if you will a look of shock come terror come heart break on my face as I become aware of the outcome of this reckless bin filling.

~*~

Bang! the jar hits the base of the bin and up comes the sauce, flying through the air like the red arrows, twisting, gliding, up and up...into my face, and my hair, and half the kitchen.

~*~

Nice!

Saturday Night Check List.

2011-10-04T22:25:00.000+01:00

Make sure you know what you're wearing in advance.

Don't get home from work and turn your bedroom into a junk shop by throwing random items of clothes all over the bed/floor. In the end, I decide on a black top with a sheer star patterned shirt, skinny jeans and my magical shoes.

A glass of wine whilst painting your nails is optional but lovely.

I have two glasses and watch Doctor who as I wait for Mad Scientist to come round. He was late! I'll let him off.

Book a taxi driver who knows where he's going.

We hop in and ask for one club then get dropped off outside another. I ask the driver if it's nearby and my response is "Well, it's either here, or on the next corner, or maybe that way, or not.' Cheers mate.

Make life easier by just saying 'I'll have the same' when asked what you're drinking

This way, I ended up with G and T. Then Desperado's, Then JD an coke. (a drink I don't remember ordering. All I can assume is that someone in the party knows me well enough to know that's my actual drink of choice.) A pretty impressive variation on alcohol. Even if I do say so myself.

Don't stare at other girls

Too many girls come into the bar in teeny weeny dresses. One girl plays pool nearby with about 20 guys watching her. When she bends over, I can almost see what she had for breakfast. Maybe I'm just getting old. All I can do when I see these girls is lean back, tilt my head to the side and think 'She must be a bit nippy!'

Look after your friends.

When one goes down, get her to the loo. Give her water, hold back her hair if need be. (luckily I don't have to do this as my casualty has short hair.) Help her take off her bangles and watch. Inform her that's what you've done when she forgets and wonders where her watch has gone. Tell her you're there as a substitute when she asks for her Mum. Stay with her when she falls asleep on the loo seat. Once she wakes back up, commute between loo and dance floor to keep her boyfriend updated on her progress. Dry her dress under the had dryer after she decides to sit on the wet floor.

Change your shoes once outside.

Otherwise you end up in a LOT of pain. Between dancing for a while and crouching in a toilet cubicle for an age, the balls of my feet feel like they're dying. A taxi won't arrive, it's raining and I'm sure that's the sun I can see rising. Right I've had enough. Mad Scientist and I head down Buchanan Street. Me in bare feet. Him holding my left shoe, me holding the right (So they don't rub together and rub any glitter off. Logic) and that's how it goes until a taxi finally has it's light on. Home!

Don't offer and sofa for the night and not offer breakfast.

Sorry Mad Scientist. You had to sleep on a sofa, then wake up and make your own breakfast. Then go to work on a Sunday! I'm a rubbish hostess.

Dance, take photos, hug everyone, kiss people on the cheek in a melodramatic fashion, laugh loudly, sing louder, Have the time of your life!

Happy Birthday V!

Colin

2011-09-28T12:37:00.000+01:00

Day off. Hurrah! I'm off the a burger place in the west end later with V. We shall eat our body weight in chips and then wash it all down with 70 litres of Irn Bru. I kid you not.

~*~

But that's not why I'm blogging. No, something happened this morning which I don't think will ever happen again. The sheer bizarreness of this post will surely blow your socks off. (if you're not wearing socks, I strongly advise you go and put some on as I'm unaware of the consequences should you not be wearing socks. I'm worried about legal action taken over the lack of skin left on ones feet. It's too much hassle, go and put some socks on. Ta.)

~*~

I wake up about half past nine, it's slightly stuffy in my room due to the rare appearance a strange ball of fire in the sky. I get up and open my bedroom window and listen as a black bird gives it large in the tree outside. I then doze until about half ten when I receive a text. After replying I doze again.

~*~

Here we go!

~*~

Not long has passed when I awake again. No longer than ten minutes has past but the teddy bear I keep in my bed has somehow managed to rearrange itself so it's sitting almost on my face. 'That's odd' I think, 'I swear I threw that off the bed last night. Never mind. I go to grab said teddy (lets call it Colin) to stop it from smothering me. This is the point where the post turns from quite mundane into frigging odd.

~*~

I open my eyes ever so slightly, Ginger. I don't remember owning a ginger teddy. Obviously I'm happy to admit I'm all about the ginger but a ginger teddy? I don't recall that, Let's have a closer inspection. What the...

~*~

Colin isn't a teddy at all. Colin is moving! Crap!

~*~

I sit bolt up right, almost jumping out of the bed completely. Colin just turns his head and stares at me as if to say 'Problem?' I look from Colin to the window, to Colin, to window. 'How did you...Do you...how the...What...OK so there's a cat... in my....how the...' (Obviously this monologue goes on inside my head. I'm not that mental.)

~*~

Needless to say, the slippers went on and with me in the PJ's, I pick up Colin, stomp down the stairs and put him out of the front door. Sleeping in my bed? Not even the offer of a drink? Not even a chat up line? Pesky Colin. he's almost as bad as Steven!

Moments of Smiling

2011-09-27T21:51:00.000+01:00

Assembling a bookcase, a DVD rack, a small table and a chest of drawers, Putting them up, putting items in/on them....and NOT have them fall down

~*~

A six foot tall security guard whistling along to a One Direction song.

~*~

Being told by a customer that I'm beautiful.

~*~

Being chatted up by a six year old heart breaker

~*~

Eating tapas with a mad scientist who uses every word his vocabulary has to offer , words like tolerable, dwell and persevere.

~*~

Owning a pair of shoes that can only be described as magical. A pair of sparkly, peep toed, chunky heeled beauties.

~*~

Listening to songs and understanding exactly what they mean for the first time in years. (I know this is a little sad but it really makes you appreciate songs when you hear the lyrics and think 'I know exactly what you mean.')

~*~

Saying the word 'Spankadoodle' before hitting V on the bum with a meter ruler. She loved it.

~*~

Skittles, buttered toast, ice cream soda, new slippers, Adam and Joe's pod cast, channel 4's 'seven dwarves', Barry M nail varnish, my new plum coloured trench coat. Lots of things that make me smile. There's a light. It's not very bright, it's more or a candle than a florescent tube but it's a light all the same.

~*~

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

So make the best of this test, and don't ask why

It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind

Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial

For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

Welcome Back.

2011-09-08T21:44:00.000+01:00

Remember me?

~*~

After three very blog free months, I'm back. You look lovely. My how you've grown. Is that a new hair cut?

~*~

I need to explain. The past three months have been somewhat...fiddly. A lot has changed. I'm now in a new flat for starters. I've left the bright red kitchen of Anson Street for a bigger/cheaper/nicer flat around the corner. It's lovely.

~*~

Well...

~*~

McBride and I have called time. It's been a bit of a roller coster if I'm honest, but that's not what this post is about. I'm not going to sit here and bitch and moan. Partly because I don't want to bore you, partly because it's personal, but mostly because I don't have a bad word to say about him. If anything I admire his commitment and bravery. I feel honoured to be able to spend 4 years and 4 months of my life by his side. He's a hero. He's a wonderful person. I love him. I always will.

~*~

So this post is really just a wave and an 'I'm still alive!' I've got a lot of things to talk about but another time maybe.

~*~

I've missed blog. I'll be back more often in future.

Another day/store/customer

2011-05-21T21:01:00.000+01:00

Sometimes in my job I have to travel to another store to help out.

~*~

So when you set the scene, don't picture my store ( a store in which most of you have never seen.) and picture a different store ( a store which almost every single one of you has ever seen.)

~*~

A guy comes in and asks me if he can get a hand with something he's seen in the window. I walk out and we stand together at the diamond rings. Like with most diamond customers, the journey turns my pupils into little dollar signs for split second.

~*~

He asks me all the relevant questions. Why is this one more expensive? Which ones are 18 carat gold, What's the difference between this and this, that kind of thing. I'm giving all the right answers and I'm really beginning to think this guy want a good couple of hundred pounds worth of diamond. That's when it happened.

~*~

I'm pretty confident that you know the direction my blogs usually go. It turns into a bit of a rant, something happens that makes the initial conversation (and fisrt half of each post) redundant. But I'm also confident that, out of all the possibilities floating around your head, what actually happens isn't one of them. (unless you're V, or Steffi, in which case, we've had this conversation)

~*~

He turns to me, mid sentence and looks me straight in the eye. He smiles slightly but looks a little confused. 'Are you English?'

'Yes.' I say, a little confused myself.

'Oh, never mind.' he says, and waves me aside before walking out of the shop and onto the street. I'm left in front of the diamonds with a confused look, raised eyebrows and a feeling of utter rejection.

~*~

I'm English, apparently that's not a quality that makes you eligible to sell diamond rings.

~*~

Maybe I'm in the wrong profession.

Curiosity Killed The Charles

2011-05-08T19:02:00.000+01:00

So, I'm a tad bit bored and I open up my lap top.

Do you ever do that thing where you just type in your own name into the Google search?

~*~

Now I don't type in my real name because the last time I did that, a picture of a grave stone was the first image result. That spooked me a wee bit I'll admit. Instead I wrote Ms McFarley. My OTHER name. The one people call me more often it would seem. I remember a friend once said to me 'I was trying to find you in my facebook friends the other day and I couldn't find you. Then I remembered that your surname isn't actually McFarley.'

~*~

The usual came up, twitter account, my blog, my ebay. All under the same name. Then I came across a website called 123people. This was the website that scared me. Well, it didn't scare me so much as make me think 'Spooky!'

~*~

It knows I was 'minx like' in Closer. It knows I have a picture of me with Mickey Mouse as my profile pic and it also knows I tweet Philip Schofield. But that's nothing compared to the 'Tag Cloud'! The 'Tag Cloud' is a small box filled with random words that are linked to me. Now some of them are linked to other people with a similar name (At least that's what I hope) but some... Well

~*~

Martin, Corrigan, Bench, Damon, Terry, Actor,

~*~

Now I know that's not amazing but It makes me look at the page then around the room thinking 'They're everywhere, they're spying on me!'

~*~

Then again, I also have the word 'lumber' in there.

~*~

But, just as I get over this and go back to google, I come across this

Fungus home remedies for vaginitis

From: MsMcFarley (Charley Callaway) Retweet! Less than a minute ago. Complete resource providing free work at home jobs online, careers, ...

~*~

Now, the website has apparently been suspended but that doesn't stop me from wondering if I've been

a: Hacked

b: Blogging in my sleep

c: suffering from a weird fungal disease which has given me amnesia.

~*~

Curiosity isn't a good thing. Neither is paranoia!

A Pointless Post.

2011-05-04T21:38:00.000+01:00

It's nine o'clock, and it's not dark! I love it.

~*~

OK, a strange start to a post I'll admit but, after months of snow, cold, frozen noses and sniffles, it's nice to be able to walk down the street in a light cardigan and just one pair of tights. (Tights are a uniform requirement otherwise I wouldn't wear them in the summer.)

~*~

However. I miss my ear muffs. So...

~*~

In the red corner, It's months long and full of high heating bills and flu, it's WINTER.

In the blue corner. She's unpredictable, short and brings hay fever, it's SUMMER.

~*~

Summer brings BBQ's and the smell of someone else's BBQ. (I feel like other BBQ's smell better. It may just be me.) It holds ice creams, it's smells like sun tan, cut grass, 'after rain'. It gives you beer gardens, cider, festivals and evening walks along the beach. It gives you a craving to go to the arcade and lose all your money in a 2p machine.

It lets you wear maxi dresses, flip flops, straw hats, over sized sunglasses. It allows you to walk around in the evening in just a dress. It makes you want to walk more, socialise more. Summer has a lot to offer.

~*~

Winter... Winter bring snowflakes landing on your eyelashes. It brings snow angels, hot chocolate, gingerbread men. (OK so that's available all year but...) It gives you mittens, big slippers. Warm cosy beds, your boyfriends hoody and that all important hot bubble bath. It lets you wear thick snuggly tights and big scarves.

It brings an excuse to stay in and eat pizza. It lets you invest in ugg boots and warm toasted paninis. It smells like bonfire night and brings the sweets of Halloween. ooh, but is that enough?

~*~

Summer gives you hay fever. puffy eyes, stuffy head and sneezes. It brings wasps, flies and overweight men with their shirts off. It comes with girls in shorts where the pockets are longer than the shorts themselves. It gives you a sweaty back. It makes the inside of a car like a furnace and makes the metal part of the seat belt burn you. It makes you drink alcohol quicker. It gives you 'flip flop feet' (a blister between your two biggest toes) and frown tan. Winter is bringing it back!

~*~

Winter brings shivers so bad your back hurts. It brings slippery streets and cries of 'not enough grit to go around.' It brings traffic jams, a long wait in your car for the window to de-mist and public transport with broken heaters. It brings blue fingers and red noses. It makes you get up earlier due to the amount of clothes you have to wear. It makes the bathroom floor frozen. It makes getting out of the shower a hell. Summers might have this.

~*~

We're not going to settle this.

~*~

Oh hang on...Christmas. Winter wins!

True Love

2011-05-01T20:33:00.000+01:00

A royal wedding took place on Friday. I said I wouldn't watch it. I did. Partly because I wanted to be part of something. Partly because I wanted to see that dress. Partly because, like most girls, I wanted to dream about my own wedding day. But something else happened that day that put the loved up newly weds in the shade. On a day full of love and affection, this was what made me feel truly privileged and part of something magical.

~*~

The folks and I, along with my friend Fred (Her real name's Nats but there you go, everyone needs a blog name ey?) went to a local social club. My folks have recently joined a bowls club so we went out to test the dart board and the cider. Both very good.

~*~

On the sound system Elvis sang heart broken lyrics with a voice like chocolate. Men stood around the bar discussing cruises and lager. A few couples sat at the windows and shared wine. Then it happened.

~*~

A husband stood up to the sound of 'Can't Help Falling In Love' and held out his hand. His wife smiled and placed her hand inside, and together they walked to the far side of the bar which led through to a darkened dance floor. No one watched them go, Only myself and Fred. In the darkness, with only each other and Mr Presley, they danced. They had escaped into their own little world full of memories made and futures to make. They needed nothing more than to look into each to others eyes and continue dancing.

~*~

Now, that may sound soppy and unlike my other posts but it's a moment I wanted to share. In a world where true love is craved but rarely found, moments like that become engraved in your heart. I looked at those couple and thought, I hope I end up like that.

~*~

I didn't think that when I watched Kate walk up the aisle.

Fashion Faux-Pas. (Flashdance style)

2011-04-13T20:54:00.000+01:00

I have to wear black to work. So today I'm in a black dress with a black belt, black cardigan, black tights and black shoes. (My pants are blue but that's neither here nor there.)

~*~

Very ordinary yeah? Well if it helps, I got to half four before realising that from the knees down I looked like someone out of fame!

~*~

For some reason, my tights are extra-ordinarily shiny and black and kind of look like shiny disco dancing leggings.

~*~

But that's not too bad right?

~*~

Instead of my usual heels, I'm wearing black brogues. So alongside the uber shiny leggings, they look like jazz pumps. So from the knees up, she's a conservative well presented jeweller. From the knees down?

~*~

She's a maniac, Maaaniac!

~*~

This is added to the fact I dropped toothpaste down my top this morning and got to half 11 before realising I looked like I was lactating. Also that I got dressed and out of the flat before noticing the hole in the sleeve of my cardigan. Ooh and that my hair is too soft today to do anything with and looks slightly like something out of Thundercats. And the zip on my bag broke yesterday.... I think that's it.

~*~

Maybe tomorrow I'll break out in a rash on my forehead.

~*~

Nah, that might make me look like a normal human. We can't have that.

So Apparently...

2011-04-11T21:10:00.001+01:00

So apparently I'm an information desk

People come into my shop all the time and ask me things I either don't know or don't care about.

"Where's the nearest toilets?" "what time does TK Maxx close today?" "what's the fastest bus to Silverburn?" And these are only a few. I sell jewellery, I do not give out free tours around the city centre. There is an information desk just around the corner. Bugger off and use it.

~*~

So apparently I'm a liar.

A woman comes in and asks if she can get a link taken out of her watch. I apologise and say we unfortunately can't as we don't have the equipment. She then changes into Satan's mother in law and snaps back 'Well, the girl in your shop in East Kilbride did it for me so you can too!' I inform her that we don't have a shop in East Kilbride and that's when things get very...ggggrrr. She (quote) bought it from our shop in East Kilbride and I'm just being difficult. Then she takes a watch we don't sell out of her bag and a receipt from a completely different shop. I explain this to her and she grabs the receipt out of my hand and says, 'Well it looks the same in here. Either you or the girl in your East Kilbride shop is a liar!' The venom in the last word of that sentence made me raise my eyebrows slightly too high. 'Forget it, I'll just go back to your East Kilbride shop!'

'Sorry but like I said, we don't have a shop there.'

Nope, I'm just white noise to her now.

~*~

So apparently I'm a lesbian

I'm standing in the stir fry section in Tesco and a chap in his sixties stands beside me with some vegetables and noodles.

'Do you think this would be enough for two?' he asks me

'Well, that's how much me and my partner have and that's the right amount for us.'

A small pause

'And..is..she a big eater?'

Damn the word 'partner'!

~*~

So apparently it's OK to let your child draw over our white wall with black crayon.

Enough said about this one really. God bless WD40

~*~

So apparently I'm coming home in less than a fortnight.

This is true. and I can't wait. My Steffi and Gary are coming up next Wednesday then I'm off home with them on the Saturday. Anyone reading this who wants to pop round and say hi just let me know. (Obviously I need to actually know you. Apparently I've got people as far as Russia and Australia reading this. No offence and thanks for reading but I'd rather spend time with people I know. ta)

~*~

So apparently this blog has a purpose.

No, I don't think so either.

~*~

The Census

2011-03-27T21:27:00.000+01:00

Ten years ago I was 13. I was studying at City Of Portsmouth Girls School and thinking about what colour I wanted my bedroom.

~*~

Fast forward ten years and I'm in my own flat, I'm out of school and in a job, I'm in a different country. My how things change when you don't pay attention.

~*~

The first part was pretty easy. Yes I live with a partner. Yes we rent a self contained flat from a letting agency. No there's no one else staying with us on the night of the 27th March. But then it starts getting a bit personal.

~*~

I'm ok, I'm in full time employment. It's McBride who suffers. Being a full time student, this is the order of the questions he must answer

~*~

Last week were you:~

Working as an employee

Working self employed

A bunch of other options

None of the above.

McBride ticks none of the above.

Are you actively seeking work?

Are you awaiting to start a job that has already been aranged?

Have you EVER worked?

Well, bit rude! Not only has the poor guy lost an hour of his weekend, he's being judged but a paper questionaire. All he wanted was a nice lesurely weekend.

~*~

Wonder Woman

2011-03-20T15:47:00.001Z

OK, so this is barely long enough a story to make a proper post with but it's made my entire week so I'll add descriptive padding.

~*~

So It's Sunday. After sipping freshly ground coffee beans ( a present from India) and munching on 6 slices of toast. McBride and I ponder on what to have for dinner. I know, discussing one meal as soon as another is complete. Utter madness.

~*~

We decide on spaghetti bolognaise so I prepare myself to go to Iceland (the store not the country) to get vitals. Mince, mushrooms and of course red wine. This is where the story really starts.

~*~

Picture my attire, if you will. Brown brogues, jeans, a new coat (A beautiful Fenchurch treasure reduced to £25) and a red 'Wonder Woman' t-shirt. I leave my building and head towards the main road. Iceland is only around the corner so I'm actually only outside for about four minutes but it's four minutes I will remember forever.

~*~

There are two men outside the bookies. One is pointing at me and dancing as I walk towards him. I'm listening to Jamie T on my iPod as this moment and can't understand why he's smiling and dancing so much. Is it so loud that he can here it? I'm at a line in 'Sticks 'n Stones' that goes

'With the boys across the platform shouting "Lightweight P***k"..'

So I'm really hoping they can't hear it. I fumble in my pocket and press pause but the guy continues to dance. This is what I hear. (Imagine the Glaswegian accents please. It makes it more funny)

~*~

Wonder Woman's coming pal.

I can see pal

Yeah, Wonder woman... Then he breaks into the dance again and sings a theme tune. Only it's not the Wonder Woman theme. It's the A Team theme. Daa da da daa, da da daaa.

That's not Wonder Woman! you t**t, that's the song from Indiana Jones!

~*~

The dancing and singing finally stops and I continue to Iceland, do my shopping and head back. They're still outside and like deja'vu, he begins again. Daa da da daa, da da daa. His mate is now chatting with someone else. But turns and says 'No, that's not right you t**t' (nice term of endearment there) He then turns to his mate and asks how the theme tune to Wonder Woman goes. Genuine answer from new boy?

'Wonder Woman? Is that the woman who's a cat?'

~*~

I love it when a plan comes together.

Things I've worked out recently

2011-03-09T22:20:00.000Z

1: The fewer manners you have, the more manners you demand.

Come in, be arrogant, shout/swear/spit if you feel the need. Just don't give me a disgusted look if I get a little sarcastic/blunt. You don't automatically gain respect in any other walk of life. A shop floor is no different. Be rude to me, I'm not bothered, but don't demand respect when you haven't earned it.

2: Everyone has the same ring tone.

You hear it loud and clear. that familiar iPhone sound. It's usually either 'Strum' or 'Old Phone' (You can tell I'm an appleaddict) and without fail, half of the people in close proximity take their phone out of their pocket, myself included.

3: Language is changing.

Conversations seem to start with 'Yeah, no...' and finish with 'know what I mean?'

People say 'lol' instead of actually laughing.

Words with more than three syllables are rarely used in day to day conversations, and if by chance these words are present, they are often shortened.

Many words roll into one. I don't know become idunno.

4: The most universal lie in the world ever.

I have read and understand the terms and conditions. Tick

5: Technology isn't always a step forward.

I give you the Kindle. 'Buy once, read anywhere.' What like a book?

6: Glasgow is still in the grip of winter.

The weather men and the met office boffins has forecast more snow for us within the next week or so. My blankets are being used more than my tea cups. I miss my maxi dresses and sunglasses.

7: Time flies too quickly.

I've been here over six months. We're already a quarter of the way through 2011. I'll be 25 next year. McBride has got his braces off after 18 months. Tomorrow we'll be closer the this weekend than last weekend.

8: There's no real point to this post.

But thanks for reading.

~*~

The Walk To Work

2011-03-01T19:43:00.000Z

My house is on a corner. So obviously turn the corner onto the main road. That's step one.

~*~

Past the bus stop crowded with people waiting for a bus that will come around the corner completely packed. Onwards towards 'The Corner Of Doom' In which you must try and cross before someone with what must be a broken indicator swings round and hits you. (It's amazing how many people around here have broken indicators) If completed with all limbs, continue along the main road.

~*~

Walk past a building site and try to avoid eye contact with the scary builder on the top level. He will wolf whistle if you look in his direction. Keep eyes towards the ground or use this moment to change the song on your iPod/check messages/facebook/that new piece of gum on the pavement. Never look up until you reach the next bus stop.

~*~

Continue walking past the block of flats that has as many 'to let' signs as it has broken windows. Lovely stuff. For added effect, check out the litter in the forecourts. Classy. If anyone exits from these flats, repeat previous advice about checking phone/floor. Eye contact can lead to fist/face contact. (What a beautiful picture I'm painting. It's actually not like that at all, well, it's a mess but no one ever goes in, no one ever comes out so you're OK there)

~*~

Past the Barra's. (if travelling on a Saturday, marvel at the bargain shops in the Barra's market and watch with glee as the old guy in the beanie tries to assemble his market stand with one hand while the other holds a can of Buckfast). Alternatively you can look on the other side of the road at the 'Adult Clothing Shop' which stocks the very best in fetish wear and sexy..erm... insect costumes. (seriously, that's what's in the window). There's also a bin outside that has the graffiti 'End Israel Apartheid' Which may be a good point but I've got a bumble bee costume to buy!

~*~

Over the road and into Trongate. This is wear it started to get a little busier and you are now in the city centre. Stroll past the Italian place that's 'Under New Management' but never open. Wander past the chip shop where the guy behind the counter has a recording contract. (Honestly he has, he was on 'The One Show' and has a fabulous voice) Walk past the scariest cherub statue you will EVER see. It's like a baby Mat Lucas with bug eyes and a crooked creepy smile. None of that cuddly cuteness you get with Mr Lucas. God it's awful. Pass the amusement arcade with the singing bingo caller, the art gallery, the Tron Theatre, a Greggs, an old fashioned sweet shop, the odd drunk, a guy who stands outside TG Huges selling papers, one of the few McDonalds that opens at 5 (to my knowledge) and onto Argyle street.

~*~

Buskers: guitar players, break dancers, an old lady with an accordion, a five year old on a set of drums, bag pipers, football skills, sax players, harpist, opera singers, string quartets, jazz singers, Bible preachers, Scottish dancers, human statues, balloon animal maker type people to name a few all the way through Argyle Street, up Buchanan Street and round in Sauchihall Street.

~*~

People ask me why I moved here. Right now, the walk to work is in the top ten reasons.

How To Make Fajitas

2011-02-18T10:22:00.000Z

Instructions on box

~*~

Coat chicken in oil and seasoning mix. (For a milder fajita use less seasoning)
Heat a heavy based frying pan until very hot. Add the chicken and fry for about 3 minutes until well browned.
Add onions and peppers and cook for a further 2 minutes or until meat is cooked.
Serve with warm tortillas and salsa
Roll up and enjoy! (there's actually an exclamation mark here, I didn't put it in)

~*~

V and McFarley way

~*~

Order an Asda delivery to be delivered between 6 and 8
Unpack delivery once I arrives at five to 8.
Take out bins quickly to create more space.
Assume you've been locked out of the back door due to McFarley using the wrong key. Walk around to front of house and get back in the building.
Indulge in some rather strange host/guest role reversal as V cuts up all the food and McFarley just holds the frying pan and stirs the chicken with a fish slice.
Wonder why it's so blinking hot in the kitchen before realising that two people, one cooker and one heater all working in a kitchen no bigger than a five foot creates a fair bit of heat. Turn on extractor fans and open the window.
Suggest the addition of grated cheese. (V goes to cupboard to take out grater and finds the 'Worlds Sharpest Knife' flying towards her face in a desperate big to either be used or escape. McFarley helps out greatly by standing at the frying pan and yelling 'THAT'S A KNIFE!' Very useful)
Check V has no scars and check there's no blood on floor/V/food.
Forget until almost the last minute to put the tortillas in the oven to warm, (McFarley swears a little too loudly)
Cook everything with no added salmonella and enjoy! (I added that one)

Shop Confusion

2011-02-17T20:32:00.000Z

I had the day off work yesterday.

~*~

Never one to venture out of my comfort zone, I went shopping with V from work. (she's new to this blog, be nice to her and say hi. Hello V!) V needs a new dress for her boyfriends birthday party. I need...well nothing really but I'm on my own this week and fancied some company.

~*~

We meet outside work at half 11 and wander around Buchanan Street and such before heading to McDonald's.

~*~

All very normal and un-blog-worthy I hear you cry. Never fear. here's where it all starts.

~*~

Hollister!

~*~

Have you ever been in one of these shops? It's the most bizarre place I've ever visited. And I've been to Bulgaria. On entering, we are met by a greeter girl who (with a hint of fakeness in her voice) welcomes us to 'the Pier'. The pier? Suddenly I've been transported to a beach somewhere where they sell polo shirts and jogging bottoms. I used to live near the beach and I can assure you. South Parade pier didn't look like this. Wheres the two pence machines? The toy grabbing machine that makes that bloody awful 'YOU FAIL' noise when you lift an empty crane out of the teddy's? This is nothing like the pier back home. For one thing, the pier back home had it's light on.

~*~

Yes, the lights. Ever had an intimate evening with your partner? you turn down/off the main light and sit in near darkness with just a small lamp or the TV providing just enough light for you to see things and not bump into them. It's romantic no? That's the lighting in this shop. Jeans are displayed in almost candlelit brightness and small 3 watt bulbs hang from the ceiling. The brightest form of light is the huge LED screen at the back of the shop that shows waves on the tropical shore. Everywhere else is covered in a half light that leaves me full of concern for the mole like workers.

~*~

All the workers are in checked shirts and cool hip and happening bottoms. All the girls have big hair and big grins. The guys have too much styling gel and not one of them has their collar down. Every single one of them has model looks, no blemishes/braces/roots in sight (well, at least I don't think so, it was so blinking dark). They parade around in the twilight bopping along to the tunes falling out the speaker, the bass turned up way too loud. Meanwhile, the air has a humidity to it that's sticky enough for both V and I to take off our coats. Maybe it's supposed to give us a beach/holiday feel but by the time I'm near the back (by the waves) I'm confused, deafened, sweaty and concerned for my eyesight. I don't understand. there's even a sitting area near the tills. I suppose that must be for all the sunbathing you do in the middle of Glasgow on a Wednesday afternoon

Hi, Welcome to Hollister, It's dark in here, we're all better looking than you, nothing has a price on it and it's warm enough to cook bacon in here. Please buy something.

~*~

Maybe I'm just getting old?

My Kitchen

2011-02-11T19:56:00.000Z

My kitchen is bright red

~*~

It has white tiles along the wall behind the cooker. A window which overlook some shrubbery and the bus stop. A pin board covered in postcards, photos and memories. And a small collection of cookery books in the corner.

~*~

It also has the following.

~*~

Red splotches of paint on the white ceiling.

The people before us obviously pained in haste. Around the edges of the ceiling are blobs of bright red paint. Now in the cupboard when we moved in were three pots of paint. One red (of course) one cream (the colour of the hallway and living room) and one white. Now why didn't anyone look at that pot and think 'I know, we'll cover the red splotches with this colour. it seems to be the same colour at the paint under the splotches!'

But instead, they forgot/didn't, or hoped we would think it was some kind of contemporary art. Like Tracy Emin. Maybe it's suppose to represent something. Ketchup?

~*~

Two plug sockets next to the sink!

~*~

Who in the world though that this would EVER be a good idea? Electricity, so I'm told is a pretty dangerous thing when mixed with water. In a kind of boom way, it'll make you're hair super backcombed and your eyes super popped-out. So I've got a psare plug socket, where shall I put it?' 'I know, we'll put them on the wall next to the sink. There's only a tiny bit of work space there but hey, its enough for a kettle or something." Clever. Ten points for trying.

~*~

A severe lack of drawers.

Inside the cupboards are the rungs (or whatever they're called) for drawers. But no drawers. The folks before us must have had drawers with sentimental value. Maybe they were made by a dying relative, maybe they had family heirloom drawers that their Great Great Grandmother carried over from Russia. 'When she arrived in Scotland, these drawers and the dress she was wearing were all she had.'

~*~

Now a word about the people that lived here before us. They were lovely people. Very sweet and kindly popped back after we moved in to make sure we were OK and settled. But they were very strange in what they left/took.

~*~

Left: One lamp, one coffee table, one Ikea catalogue, one torch, fridge magnets in shapes of letters, one iron, one ironing board, three pots of paint, one pack of cards, three frying pans, one mirror, one broom

Took: Drawers from kitchen, Curtain pole and curtains(but they did leave another pole that was about a foot too long.) towel rail, toilet roll holder, lampshades,

~*~

Odd.

Thug

2011-02-07T20:06:00.000Z

Anniversaries. Lovely things.

~*~

McBride and I have been together four years. Hurrah for us. But as wonderful as that is, That isn't what I'm going to talk about. It's just a starter so you know why we're where we are.

~*~

China Buffet King.

~*~

This place rocks socks. All you can eat for £12. This includes soup, duck pancakes, mains, starters, even prawn crackers. Good stuff. We sit at our table, we talk about the past and future and generally enjoy the glow that comes with the knowledge that the person on the other side of the table has chosen to spend the last four years with you.

~*~

On the table next to us are two men. To be blunt, one looks like he's going to punch someone and the other looks like he'd steal your watch to fund a drug habit. I look over every now and then throughout the evening and see them fill their plates no less than seven times each. Impressive for thugs and junkies.

~*~

They finish up about twenty minutes before we do. As they leave, Thug wanders over to our table.

~*~

"Evening folks, I'm really sorry to barge in on your conversation like this..."

Here it comes, either an insult or a plead for drug funds.

"...I hope you're having a good evening. Erm...My names John by the way. I was wondering...now I know your mum always said never take sweets from strangers but... because you now know my name's John...Do you guys want the Everton mints that we got with our bill?"

~*~

And with that, he gently placed two Everton mints on out table, smiled, saluted and said "Enjoy yourselves. Take care." before heading out into the wind and rain.

~*~

Never judge a book by it's cover.

Asda

2011-02-05T20:35:00.000Z

I like to get Asda home deliveries. It's a £3.50 delivery charge but by the time we've paid for the bus to Asda and back, it seems to be easier to get it all delivered to our door. Plus, as no money changes hands, (thanks to the joys of internet payment) it's almost like getting free food delivered to your door.

~*~

My delivery's booked between 7:00 and 9:00. So after rushing home from work,I sort out my kitchen cupboards, clear all the crap out of the fridge and wait. At half eight, he arrives, he's soaking wet and about 16 years old (is he old enough to drive?) he smiles and holds up two bags.

~*~

"Erm, (thick Glaswegian accent) these haven't been claimed. If I take them back to the depot, they'll just throw them out. do you want them?"

I don't know what to say, Do I want this food? Is there a catch?

"It'll be free."

Oh well then yes I do want it thank you very much.

~*~

After having a chat about the manky manky weather and carrying my bags into to kitchen, he smiles once more and heads back out into the darkness. I go into the kitchen to check my goodies. What did I get for free?

~*~

A pack of chicken breasts.

Two packs of cooked ham for sandwiches

A large pizza (peperoni)

A box of 15 rocket ice lollies.

Of course, what with the tropical weather gracing the west coast of Scotland, what fool wouldn't want 15 ice lollies in brightly coloured falic shapes? Oh, wait a minute...

~*~

But free food is free food, I'm not complaining. I check through the list with Mr McBride and all is well.

Oh, apart from the following

~*~

Missing: Beef mince.

Missing: Smoked bacon

Missing: Mushrooms.

~*~

So what had started as free food actually turned into stupid substitutes for what I actually wanted. Lets face it, I don't really fancy sausage, egg and ice lolly for breakfast. Ice lolly bolognaise sounds wrong and wild cooked ham risotto doesn't really float my boat.

~*~

Refund please.

Destiny

2011-01-31T21:33:00.001Z

Once upon a time, there was a small girl. She wore floaty skirts and a checked scarf. She said things like 'Awesome' and 'Sup Homie'. She was a happy soul with a passion for Monster Munch.

~*~

She didn't ever think she'd meet her soul mate at such an early age.

~*~

At 23 years old, she'd already climbed mountains, seen the Eiffel Tower and eaten her own body weight in pizza but never did she think that she'd be looking at her soul mate whilst on her way home from work on a rainy January evening.

~*~

Like every other night, she walked from her shop in the arcade and out onto Argyle Street. People walked past her. Like children with a secret they avoided eye contact and enjoyed owning the knowledge that fate had something spectacular in store. Each passer-by held a cryptic smile that would go unnoticed by the small girl as she walked unknowingly towards her destiny. But blissful ignorance filled the girls chest as she powered through the crowd of commuters. She wanted to get out of the rain and back to her boyfriend.

~*~

A homeless guy asked her if she had spare change. She shook her head and the old guy smiled and shrugged his shoulders. To him, it was just an honour to be part of something magical. He watched her walk on by with a feeling of affection towards her. She was about to meet fate and fate was about to offer her a lifetime of happiness. She had a boyfriend.The homeless guy knew this. But fate needed to break some hearts to make others complete. The old guy was given such a moment once and neglected it. He watched the girl in the hope she wouldn't be so proud and leave destiny in the dark.

~*~

On she walked. Past students, bankers, charity workers. All of them moving out of the girls way to form a path direct from her heart to her soul mate. All of them full of hope and anticipation for the moment that was about to take place.

~*~

The entire street seemed to dissolve into a fuzzy blanket that surrounded the girl. Time slowed and the world held it's breath. Moments like this happen once in a life time. A moment like this will become immortal and will be engraved in the heart of everyone who is privileged enough to witness it. It's pure magic.

~*~

The girl looked up and squinted to see through the curtain of rain before her. Then she saw. Suddenly it all made sense to her. Her heart seemed to skip a beat and her breath managed to get trapped. Her steps quickened. She couldn't help herself. All that mattered to her was getting closer.

~*~

The rain took pity and eased off as the world stopped completely. Giving the girl a moment of pure bliss with her soul mate. She knew. From that very first moment she knew. Destiny had chosen the street, the time, the place. All she had to do was give into the moment. She held out her hand and pressed her fingers against the glass. Memories will never do this moment justice. No one will ever understand. They were made for each other.

~*~

The world began to speed up around them. The commuters continued on their way. The charity workers called out and the homeless guy carried on asking. None of them wanted to make the girl aware that they knew of this moment of utter purity. But it was getting late. The girl knew it could never be and slowly backed away. She couldn't risk what she had with her boyfriend for a fantasy of what could be. Fate could be harsh and right now it was messing with her head. She walked away, looking back only once and savouring the moment before turning and walking into the night.

~*~

Her soul mate watched her go. Staring at her boots wit envy as they splashed in puddles. Fate was cruel to shoes, fate would dangle eternity in front of the shop window safe in the knowledge that the shoes would never be able to run and grab hold. Instead they were always left in the window, cursing fate and hoping for a time when the girl could justify buying them. Maybe one day. Maybe one day.

Sleepless Night

2011-01-26T14:05:00.000Z

Ever find yourself staring into oblivion? Your eyes at the comfortable level where you can just gaze into the middle distance and drift into a daydream, only to realise that for the past three minutes you've been staring at someones breasts?

~*~

So I went back to work on Monday.

~*~

I haven't been sleeping well recently, my mind has been refusing to switch off and added to the late night I've been having with friends, I'm not getting the beauty sleep I so desperately need. So during a quiet spell at work, I decided to lean on the counter and let my eyes lose focas before falling int a daydream that consisted mainly of spaghetti hoops and rolos. I only return to the surface when a lady starts talking to me and only too late do I realise that all this time I've been staring at and very large and unsupported pair of boobies!

~*~
Snap out of it, look anywhere else, I know it's comfortbable but you look like a freak staring at this poor womans doodaas. Wake up, WAKE UP!

~*~

'Sorry madm, I was miles away there, just admiring your beauiful necklace'

~*~

Smooth.

~*~

Anyway, Steven.

~*~

Yes, Steven (or is it Stephen? I'm not sure, i was never actually told, not that that's the imporant part.) Steven is the reason I didn't sleep on Friday night. And no, not in a 'nudge nudge' way (believe me, If you knew Steven, you'd understand how peculiar to say the very least that would be.)

~*~

After a night of dancing and a slow walk home in the bitter January frost -Made slower by the fact I had one of those annoy itches on the sole of my foot whilst wearing boots.- Me, some friends and Steven sat in the living room. One by one the others went to bed until it was just me and Steven sat on the sofa watching the TV.

~*~

I decide to put on th PJ's and settle down into my sleeping bag. This is the moment Steven joins me at my end of the sofa. Now I've known Steven a few years and although I don't feel uncomfortable with Steven lying so close, I just wasn't expecting it. But still, I try and drift off to sleep. Nope, Steven's obviously not comfortable and wanders over to the door. The doors shut.

~*~

'I'm not opening the door for you. I'm trying to sleep, deal with it.'

~*~

This angers Steven slightly so Steven comes back over, sits on the arm of the sofa right by my head and watches the Thin Lizzy documentary on BBC4. You don't even like rock music, get over it and let me sleep!

~*~

After a few minutes, Steven then goes into the kitchen for some food. Finally I begin to nod off. Only to be awoken twenty minutes later by Steven rattling the door again. Steven knows how tired I am and is using it as a weapon against me. I will not lose this fight. I lean over and stare Steven in the eye. Steven looks at me with a look of sarcasm. Steven knows that Steven is winning this game.

~*~

It's like the time my friend at school told me her imaginary friend had turned into a bully and nobody would believe her. How was I suppose to tell the guys in the morning 'Steven kept me up all night, torturing me with mind games and sneers.' All I wanted was to sleep and now here I am doubting my sanity all because Steven is playing with the door and looking at me 'funny'

~*~

By 7 in the morning I've given up completely on sleep and sit up again reading a magazine. Steven is aware that the game is over and I've surrendered but instead of acting humble about it, Steven comes back over and slumps beside me before falling asleep. Cocky little...

~*~

I'm rejoined later by Finchy who makes me tea. Steven by this point has changed tactics and acts like nothing has happened. The mind games continue as Steven looks at me with a 'Next time will be worse' look. before wandering over to the litter tray

~*~

Oh yeah, did I mention Steven is a cat?

Train Journeys SUCK!

2011-01-23T13:08:00.000Z

This train is full of noisy people!

~*~

I'm on my way back home (Glasgow) after spending a week back home (Portsmouth). I'm on the quiet carriage yet all around me are families with small children, people rabbiting on mobiles and people with their iPod's up too loud. There's a tweed jacket a couple of seats down from me whose tutting very loudly at the noise. At one point he actually stood up and held his phone up to show the guy opposite (who as on his phone chatting.) He then proceeds to tell him that it was a mobile free zone. For a moment i thought he was a legend but then he turned to me.

~*~

'And you shouldn't be listening to that either!'

~*~

Cheeky bugger. O.K I admit I have got my music on but there's something wrong with the scenario.

Can anyone else here Noah And The Whale? No

Can everyone hear your loud unnecessary comment? Yes. Whose the noisy one now? Prat!

~*~

So I'm in Preston. It's grey outside and I've had about 8 hours sleep in the past 4 nights. Let's just say 'm not to happy. I've had a fabulous week though. A few small anecdotes you ask? Why in the hell not.

~*~

Whilst playing Trivial Pursuit

Steffi: Hmm, A British composer? erm...Well there's Robbie Williams...

~*~

Opening the door to the Phone Delivery Guy whilst in my pyjamas.

PDG: Crikey, I wish my Missus looked like that in the morning!

~*~

Playing 'Stand Up' with Finchy on a train between Chichester and Fratton. trying my hardest no stand still without holding the hand rail. I suck at this game but to my defence I was facing away from the direction of travel. Finchy assures me this is NOT a valid excuse.

~*~

Getting Gary to try on stupid hats and taking photos.

~*~

Dancing with my favourite people until the early hours of the morning.

~*~

Being told I look healthy. I've lost wait. I look good. I seem well. I look beautiful. I've told these people it's not true but they will not be told. It's heartwarming to see that all these people that you've left behind are genuinely pleased to see you when you return.

~*~

Now it's back to Glasgow. Back to my job and of course back to the boy.

~*~

Now if only I could get people to move up with me. Relocate and bring the Wedgewood Rooms with them.

~*~

Oh well, another world...

Snotbag

2010-12-13T21:37:00.000Z

So I was in the window at work (behind the window getting stock, not actually in the window) when I see a woman waiting to be served. I go over and ask if she needs help. This is how the conversation goes

~*~

Can I help at all?

Give me the pearls at £30.

Oh yes, those have actually been reduced to £15 now.

Why? What's wrong with them?

Nothing, They've just been reduced for a limited time.

OK, Get them.

~*~

I'm a tad bit annoyed at the rudeness but collect the pearls and put them on the counter. Smiling all the while, I explain that they're cultured pearls, RRP of £55 pound, and look lovely on.

The conversation continues

~*~

No those aren't the ones in the window.

Oh, well these are the only ones for that price but I'll...

I'll show you the ones in the window, they're the ones I want.

~*~

As of yet, no smiles, no happiness. I follow her with my own forced smile out into the window display. She points out the very pair I'd shown her 4 seconds ago. I explain this information and tell her that it's just because of the lighting in the display and the fact the pearls are close to the light.

It continues again

(please visualise this woman as slim, plum coloured coat, sucking lemon mouth, and a look on her face as if she can smell dirty nappies and feet all the time.)

~*~

Bring out that string you gave me earlier and we'll see if they are the same shall we?

Honestly, they are the same but as all pearls are unique, each string will look slightly different.

Well I want the one out the window.

I can get it but it will be the same I'm afraid (by this time I can't be bothered to sugar coat my words anymore.)

Get those, I want those. If they are the same, you wont mind swapping them over will you?

~*~

by this point, the queue has managed to grow beyond the front door and all the other customers are looking ether bored or pained to see me endure this sarcasm from Snotbag.

~*~

So, into the locked room behind the window. I stand on tip toes and reach to get the pearls down. I hold the window ones against the other ones. Shock horror, they are the same. I'm half tempted to take the same pair out just to get a little kick out of what has become a chore of a sale. But I'm stopped before I can do my evil plan laugh

~*~

My work mate pops her head around the door and says "put it back, she's buggered off. Snotty cow."

Apparently I'd taken too long (about 25 seconds) I was useless and she was going somewhere where the sales assistant knew her job.

~*~

Deep breath, smile, put pearls back.

~*~

So the ordeal with Snotbag was over. And I'd just started to like her. I put the pearls back in the window and turn to walk away. Then, as a final finale piece....

~*~

The clock falls off the wall and hits me on the head.

Carol Singers

2010-12-04T22:02:00.000Z

A group of about 20 school children were outside my shop for three days this week singing Christmas songs and raising money. Now for the first 10 minutes this is cute, but when the children only have a four song repertoire, it soon gets a tad bit annoying. After half an hour I've heard Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer, Jingle Bells, Frosty The Snowman and 12 Day of Christmas four times. by the fourth round, 12 days becomes a bit mumbled.

~*~

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

9 laleezdanzi

8 mazamillen

7 swazzarswi'i (getting faster)

6 geezalain

FIVE GOLD RINGS!!!!!!

4 corlyburs (faster)

3 frenchends (faster)

2 turrledoes (lightening speed)

AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREEEEEEEEE!

~*~

We also got a Simpson version of Rudolph (words in caps are shouted)

~*~

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Had a very shiny nose

And if you ever saw it

You would even say it glowed (LIKE A LIGHT BULB)

All of the other reindeer

Used to laugh and cal him names (LIKE PINOCCHIO)

They never let poor Rudolph

Join in any reindeer games (LIKE MONOPOLY)

~*~

Bless, they were there almost all day. Poor fund raising, mumbling, excitable nippers.

~*~

One other thing, the label on my smoothie reads as follow (next to the ingredients list)

Non Sick Note

Dear Boss/teacher/__________

This note is to clarify that _______has not eaten chocolate spread out the jar, made crisp sandwiches or pretended that wearing jogging bottoms to the shop counts as exercise for over a week.

They have also consumed the entire contents of this bottle. thus ticking 2 of their 5-a-day. 58% of their RDA of vitamin C and some fibre. Plus they are thinking about going to boxercise with Carol on Tuesday.

Therefore, please accept this note as permission to have next ______day/afternoon off in return for their excellent healthy behavior.

Yours Sincerely

Innocent.

~*~

This made my entire week.

~*~

(Note courtesy of Innocent Smoothies.)

Weather

2010-11-28T11:30:00.000Z

It's Snowing. A lot!

~*~

McBride and I were sitting watching 'Children Of Men' (a very good film I think) and I looked towards the window. The curtains are quite thin and there's a street light over the road. "The light outside looks funny, the wrong colour almost." I get up, peek out the window and let out an involuntary squeak. "it's snowing!"

~*~

The next morning, (yesterday) I had to go to work at 8. So I arm myself with snow boots, mittens, ear muffs and camera phone and set off.

~*~

It's strange how quiet everything goes when it's snowed. the whiteness dulls the traffic noise. Glasgow doesn't stop when the weather gets rough. I remember in January when snow hit the south and the whole world seemed to stop. Up here, even the blooming litter pickers are still hard at work. But all the cars, buses, drunks (it is Glasgow) and children are silenced in the whiteness. Walking through the park listening to Sigur Ros and marvelling at the frozen playground and the humorous snow graffiti. (someone had written the word 'faeces' in the snow.)

~*~

towards the city centre, the snow turns to that manky grey slush that we all know and love. and by this time, my fingers are numb. lets got to work. it's not as pretty here.

~*~

Waking up this morning to that similar silence, i sneak out of the bedroom and open the living room curtains. The shop over the road has disappeared behind the snowfall. (the stuff falling from the sky, it hasn't snowed so much that buildings are hidden, don't worry) the fir tree outside is covered in the stuff. A ready made Christmas tree. and because our street is a close and blocked at one end, no cars are coming through so the road is a flat, white, clean sheet. like a freshly made bed. pretty.

~*~

There are three ideas running through my head.

1: Snow angels in the road

2: writing CC HEART MM on the road

3: Making an army of snowmen at the top of the road to stop any cars coming in and ruining the road.

~*~

Then again, maybe I'll just make a hot chocolate and sit under a duvet and watch Muppet Christmas Carol. It's not too early is it?

~*~

Human Cushion

2010-11-26T20:19:00.000Z

My day today starts off well. The fact I'm not at work until 10:30 means I can stay in bed and have a snuggle with McBride before leaving at 10. As I won't be finishing until 7, I decide the best idea is to grab the train in and back again. Save walking through a frozen park in the dark. (rhyme)

~*~

So I grab my tickets, hop on a train and take the three minute journey into Argyle Street. There's a fair few people jumping off with me and we march towards the escalator. For some strange reason, you have to go down a flight, before walking along a tunnel then back up a flight again. I'm not quite sure why.

~*~

So we walk along and make our way to the 'up' one. I'm standing there listening to 'Doves' when suddenly, about half way up, I feel a sudden thump in the back.

~*~

And this is just the beginning.

~*~

The guy behind me has missed the step whilst running up the escalator. he has fallen forward and is now using me as a human cushion. BANG!

~*~

Now imagining this next bit happening in slow motion.

~*~

I fall forward. My hands go out to stop myself. The tips of my fingers hit the step three up from mine, bending my finger nails backwards and numbing the nerves in the middle and ring fingers on both hands. My right shin hits the very corner of the step in front. the 'tooth-edged' step you find on most escalators. My left foot slips out behind me, turns 90 degree clockwise and hits the step behind. My cheek hits the moving banister and my book hits the floor.

~*~

ouch.

~*~

'Oh, s**t, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, oh s**t, oh god, are you OK? oh s**t.' Is all i can hear and i nurse a poorly face with poorly fingers. The guy behind my has his hand on my back and looks whiter than a white thing. (snow?) at this point I'm so embarrassed but the fall I just smile and say 'Don't worry, I'm fine. no worries. not your fault.'

~*~

At this point, we're at the top of the steps. He looking very concerned. (He's about 50 so it's all very strange t have a guy this aged with his hand on my shoulder.) But I just shrug off all the sympathy and smile again. 'Don't worry.' He picks up my book and I wiggle my fingers, still numb

~*~

I continue walking (limping) to work. I get into the staff room and see I'm shaking. shaking? why?

~*~

My manager sees me and makes me a cup of tea. Then I prod my leg. Yep, that hurts. Prod my face. Yep, that too.

~*~

But at least my fingers don't hurt. It's 4pm before I feel them again.

~*~

Moral? Less haste, more speed. Or, try not to used small women as pillows. we will break.

Male Customers

2010-11-22T19:58:00.000Z

Some are sweet

~*~

Do you think she'll like this one?

Well, I think it's a lovely design. I think she'll love it.

Well in that case, if she doesn't like it, I'll bring it back and give it to you, a beautiful necklace for a beautiful girl.

~*~

Some are funny.

~*~

Can I have something from the window?

Yes, let me pop out and have a look with you

Wow, you're not from round here.

(laugh) no, unfortunately not

No, you've got well a sexy voice, unlike all the n.e.d's (Non Educated Delinquents) round here. Wow, just keep talking to me and I'll buy what ever you tell me too...but not diamonds, I'm quite poor.

~*~

Some are adorable

~*~

Have you got anything with 'Mum' or 'Mummy' on it.

Yep, is it from you?

No..it's...erm, My wife is pregnant and I.. wanted to get her a Christmas present from bump.

~*~

My heart melted.

Happiness is...

2010-11-18T12:05:00.000Z

...Serving an 80 year old woman.

~*~

OK so that doesn't sound like the greatest thing around but let me explain.

~*~

I'm half way through selling an 80 year old (we'll call her Betty, just to make it easier) a pair of earrings. Betty is quite fond of pearls it would seem and is hoping to buy a pair of simple studs for her grand daughter. As we're talking about the 9ct gold and the fresh water pearls, someones mobile begins to ring in the queue behind her.

~*~

'If you like it then you should have put a ring on it,

If you like it then you should have put a ring on it,

oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh'

~*~

The queue all turn to each other with looks of 'Well it's not me.' Betty turns around, shakes her head and smiles at me. "probably someone with they're earphones in who can't hear their own phone ringing."

~*~

Then she reaches in her pocket and pulls out a mobile phone 'Or maybe it's just an old woman who's forgotten she downloaded a new ring tone.'

~*~

This little old lady not only had Beyonce as her ring tone, she downloaded it herself. Betty is a legend!

One Of Those Days..

2010-11-11T22:25:00.000Z

04:30 ~ Wake up to the sound of the title music on a 'Friends' DVD. Try to get out of bed without opening eyes too much and bang shin on the bedside table.

09:30 ~ Wake up to my alarm and find McBride still lying with his arm across my tummy. He should have been in school half an hour ago.

09:35 ~ Into shower. Still quite sleepy and hazy eyed. Accidently put face scrub in hair. After worrying about the exfoliating 'bits' rubbing hair off or something equally ridiculous, wash hair properly with herbal essences.

09:50 ~ After moisturising, find I've only shaved one leg.

10:15 ~ Burn tongue on tea.

10:50 ~ Walk to train station and find out at the ticket booth that purse is still on the coffee table. Walk back home and retrieve before trying again.

11:15 ~ Arrive at work and begin to change, put t-shirt on back to front.

11:30 ~ Begin shift.

11:35 ~ Head butt window whilst helping a customer.

11:45 ~ Finally realise t-shirt is on back to front.

13:40 ~ Ask a fund raiser to send us a letter on 'pedded haper' instead of headed paper.

14:00 ~ Begin to lose voice.

15:10 ~ Choke on a monster munch during a break.

16:30 ~ Voice goes completely.

16:45 ~ Take bins down to basement, slip up on stairs.

20:00 ~ Close up shop and walk to train station.

20:05 ~ Stand on the join on the escalator step and lose balance as steps descend.

20:15 ~ Arrive home, fill kettle to make tea.

20:40 ~ Realise the kettle will boil quicker when switched on.

Off to bed soon, hopefully I won't lose my foot to frost bite or fall over a badger on the way.

Finally.

2010-11-10T23:21:00.000Z

I can finally tell you the fantastic news that I have internet in my flat. Hurrah! Let's all get drunk and celebrate. It only took two months.

~*~

So much, So Much SO MUCH to tell you. I tell you now, this will be a long one. Go get some tea.

~*~

Right. I'm in my kitchen right now. how exciting is that. OUR kitchen. Mine and McBride's. We have co-habited (is that right?) And I have made more cookies than ever before. McBride must be loving it.

~*~

Well, maybe not. The poor guy has a broken toe. Broken the day before Steffi and Gary arrived. Apparently in class they were running around bare foot (Remember, McBride is a 26 year old and this is not a pre school) when someone ran into him and sort of snapped his toe backwards! Ouchy. So he's limping around with a swollen foot. I, being the ever careful girl I am, have managed to tread on it roughly 68 times already in the two weeks he's had it. I did buy him Danger Mouse slippers to say sorry though so I think I'm back in his good books.

~*~

So Steffi and Gary came to stay a couple of weeks ago. That was pretty epic. Hosting's good fun. I spent a week on a sofa bed and didn't break my back, which is cool. Steffi and I walked for miles shopping, which was also cool. It was just awesome to see them again. Steffi cried when she got here, cried when she left, the poor woman was almost hysterical when she met me from work the day they arrived.

~*~

So work (see what I'm doing here? little links between paragraphs to make it flow. Good ey?) I now work in a jewellers. It's fabulous. Lots of sparkly things, a gold, a diamonds. We had a guy come in one Friday who bought an engagement ring. He then came in on the Sunday and said "She said yes, thank you so much for helping me, she loved the ring. Thank you." so job satisfaction is of a high level. We also keep chocolates behind the till which always makes me smile. It makes the walk home seem shorter.

~*~

Yep, I walk to work and back everyday. I walk through Glasgow green which is all orange and red at the moment. Apart from early mornings when it's white and frosty, (or when it's pouring down, in which case, i catch the train.) It's a lovely park and comes complete with a beautiful fountain and 'The People's Palace' which is like a city museum. Come visit, we can go there some time. We'll get cake.

~*~

Cake, mmm.

~*~

Ok so that wasn't really a link to a new paragraph but the thought of cake makes me smile. As does the boy in the next room playing his guitar. I'll get soppy for a moment. skip the next bit if you wish.

~*~

Living with him is wonderful. Waking up next to him in the morning and thinking, 'This is ours. We paid for this.' It makes me feel great. Coming in from work and finding post on the floor addressed to both of us. Hearing him sing in the shower. it all makes my tummy a bit fizzy. I like it.

~*~

But I miss people so much. you know who you are (Ooh, how very cryptic.) Before getting the job, I was very lonely in the day time and had resorted to ridiculous things like watching 'Loose Women' to pass the time. Not a good plan. Although I kind of envy them. I wish I could get paid to sit for an hour bitching about the world. Lucky sods.

~*~

This post has somehow lost it's way. I'm sorry. My posts will go back to their usual random selves soon. I just wanted to update you on life in the north. A life where the little things are making my day.

Leaving my tights on the heater whilst I have a wash in the morning
Listening the the dozens of busking on the high street (A whole post will be dedicated to this)
Introducing McBride to musicals in order for him to find a song for school.
Watching Hugh Fernley-wittydoo-dah on Channel Four and thinking 'I'm so making that at the weekend'
Watching the old guy and his really fat dog walk past every morning at the same time.
Pretending to be in a music video when walking through the park early in the morning whilst listening to Sigur Ros.
Using phrases like 'No, you can't have mashed potato, we're too poor to buy a potato masher'

~*~

Life is pretty cool at present.

~*~

Now if only I could work the blender...

Home

2010-10-10T14:36:00.000+01:00

OK. Let's be honest.I lied when I said I'd be online in just over a week. As you can see a month has gone by and I'm only just blogging again, and it's not even from my lap top. I'm through in Edinburgh on LizBirds netbook waiting for the motive to get out of my pyjamas and jump on the bus back home.

~*~
Home. My home. Bridgeton in Glasgow is now my home. It feels weird to say it but it's true. After a night out, I feel that comfort when I turn the key in the door. It's home to me, not a place to stay before heading off again the next day. It took a couple of weeks to feel that way but it is now. My pictures are on the walls, my momentos are held on my fridge with my magnets. My dresses are hanging in my wardrobe. I have settled.

~*~

I get my Internet on Thursday. Hurrah! I can finally sell my crap on Ebay. I can also update you properly on all the very exciting things I'll get up to. things like dodging charity workers (guiltily) eating cake (even more guiltily!) and spending too much money in Lush (unguiltily, if that's a real word) So keep your chin up. I'll be back sooner than you think with anecdotes and other things. ooh it's exciting isn't it?

~*~

No?

OK then.

~*~

See you soon

Yep, Still Here

2010-09-09T12:25:00.000+01:00

Och aye!!!

~*~

Yes, I'm still here, sat at the RSAMD on a classroom computer printing off CV's. Unfortunately I only have about 47 seconds before I have to rush off to buy a washing machine. But never you fear, lovely reader.

~*~

In about a week I shall have full internet access in my new flat. I have been jotting down bits and bobs on my lap top ready to copy and paste as and when. As soon as I'm up and running, you shall be invited into the wonderful world of me.!

~*~

Thank you for your patience whilst this little blip called moving gets in the way of life.

~*~

Love to all from northern skies.

Small people

2010-08-12T19:16:00.000+01:00

British summers, they're full of drizzle, screaming children and the faint smell of drains. (Maybe it's just Portsmouth that deals with the last one.)

~*~

So, armed with a big bottle of juice, cardigans, sun cream, jammy dodgers and camera, McBrde and I venture out to the seafront with a seven year old. (No worries, we had asked to borrow her from my cousin. We didn't just ake a random child from Sommerstown.)

~*~

Little'in wants to see the butterflies and the dinosaur so first stop is the common. Looking out to sea with a look of contemplation is a 50 ft dinosaur. (I will say, the size is approxamate. As we type, McBride is looking into the middle distance and chewing the side of his mouth in a 'round about...probably...something like...' way),The dinosuaris part of an artist project that is also at a Local Gallery. We take some pictures and have a wander around the feet. Little'in then kicks the back leg and says "It's made of plastic don't you know?" We then cross over to the beach and throw stones. I pretend to throw little'in in the sea. Little'in tries to push McBride into the sea. McBride takes its a little further and gets me in a firemans lift.

~*~

Next it's the arcade. It's ridiculous how accictive a two pence machine can get. It's also ridiculous how heavy the toys in the grabbing macine can be. Little'in is left empty handed after a massive win on the two pence machine. So we decide to cheer up up again by walking to the butterflies.

~*~

McBride has to pop to see a friend so Little'in and I have a race all the way to the toilets. I'd forgotton that small children don't have strong bladders. I'd also forgotton the reason why I'd grown such a strong bladder. It's the public toilets on the seafront.

~*~

Canoo Lake. Lots of small children with brightly coloured nets trying in catch tiny fish. There's families playing bumper pedlos and old people feeding pidgeons. Little'in and I sit on a bench dedicated to 'Ken Miller' and wait for McBride to return. I start daydreaming and only resurface when Little'im jumps on the bench and frantically waves her arms around. "He's not waving back.I think he needs to go to Specsavers!"

~*~

Cuberland House has not changed at all since my first trip back around 1991. I'm sure it hasn't changed since 1951 to be honest. But all the same, we wander round, looking at a texidermists dream. Everytime we see the word 'Southampton' We are bombarded with facts about the Titanic. "That's where the Titanic sailed from. The Titanic hit an iceburg. Did you know the Titanic was meant to go to America?" Guess what this terms topic was a school.

~*~

Anyway. We look at fish, stuffed animals and butterflies. We see a woman breast feeding quite openly in the butterfly house, (bit strange) And rush around after a 7 year following the same conversation over and over. "what's this?" "That's a..." "what's this?" "Well that's a..." "What's that?" "Stand still for two seconds and I'll explain." No matter how much wisdom McBride and me want to embark, we're back out the front door within about 20 minutes.

~*~

Did you know that the pavement outside the natural history museum is made of fire? No? Us neither. But little'in is certain and uses this as a legitimate reason to scramble around trying to get on McBride's shoulders. Seriously pickle, It's starting to rain and we're waiting for a lift from a lady who promised us she'd be here 10 minutes ago. Calm down and ssshhhh.

~*~

Children are great. They're full of questions that you know will take yonks to answer "Why is the queens husband not the king?" They say the most 'old people' things. "So, how are those eggs of yours coming along then?" and they make you quickly remember that you're no very fit. "Lets race to that tree!"

~*~

At least when they're not yours, you can give them back when you're done.

Finding Things Out The Hard Way

2010-08-07T18:31:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was the first day of my holiday. It was also a family friends 18th Birthday. I love a good party so decided to start my preparation early in the evening. I ran a hot bath, crumbled in a lush bubble bar and soaked myself into a prune.

~*~

I also thought it would be a brilliant idea to have a packet of Maryland cookies next to me. I can assure you now that it's not. I'm reminded of the monster munch incident as I take a bite out of cookie number four. Yep, it breaks.Yep it falls into the water. Yep it all happens in stupidly slow slow-mo. Crap.

~*~

So the next two minutes are spent fishing around under the bubbles for half a cookie. I've got images of the bubbles fizzling out as the sugar content eats away at the bath water. I have horrible thoughts about putting my hand underwater to discover my broken cookie has done a 'Gremlin' on me and turned into a scary human killing monster cookie. I swish my hand around and find it. A soggy, crumble piece of used-to-be-yumminess.

~*~

Just when I think it's over, I grab the cookie and apply a little too much pressure. It crumbles into millions and millions (no exaggeration, honest) of pieces that float to the top. My water has been contaminated. I can feel the crumbs between my toes. This is not how a lush bath is meant to feel. No other option, the plug comes out, as does the McFarley.

~*~

Being an 18th party, there were many teenagers present at the venue. Many of the men drunk on a pint of cider. Many of the girls in dresses they look uncomfortable in. All but one of the girls. She looks very comfy in her tight grey mini dress. So confident in fact that she allows one of the boys to swing her around when a song they like comes on.

~*~

But unfortunately what begins as a fifties style jive turns into a bit of a horrific moment. He swings her legs over in my direction. I turn around at the wrong moment and...No, no shoe in the mouth, no kick in the head. Just a flash up the skirt. (I must stress once more that this is a mini dress)

~*~

There is nothing on under said skirt. Nothing. For what seems like a lifetime I am face to face with a 18 year olds...thing. Oh god, put the girl down, PUT HER DOWN!

YapYapYap

2010-07-27T18:15:00.000+01:00

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the last post. I was tired. I'd had a long week and only too late did I realise that my brain and fingers were both in working order, but unable to work in conjunction. Sorry about the randomness of the whole affair.

~*~

I'm in another one of those 'Let's listen really intently to these song lyrics' moods. Finding a line in so many songs that make me go 'Ooh, clever! Well done you.' Sometimes, this mood makes me change my facebook status to said lyrics. Most of the time it makes me late for things. things like miss the bus because I'm too busy rewinding the sang to hear it again. Being late for work because I won't turn off my music until the songs finished.

~*~

Music is Love, Love is Beautiful, Beautiful is a Song, A Song is Music. It's all connected.

~*~

Gag!

~*~

So, I had this customer the other day (here we go) who stormed over to my till point and slammed a bill onto the counter. She actually made my member of staff jump.

"Good morning madam, you OK there?"

"I want you to sort this out" Picture, if you will, a small terrier of a woman with a face that needs an iron and a voice that equally crinkled. She's quite well spoken and is wearing one of those fleeces with the pictures of the wolves across the back. know the ones I mean? Good, then we'll continue

"OK, would you like to pay your bill?" (oh yeah, I completely forgot to say that the piece of paper was in fact a statement for her store card"

"No, I don't want to pay my bill (sarcasm) I want you to be clever and tell me where the hell it says I need to pay £27" (Patronising)

"Well madam, if your statement says that then you must have spent that and need to pay it back. I can do that on this till if you want."

"What did I say?" (patronising tone turns to alight anger) "I will not be paying this and you are going to sort it out that I don't. Understand?"

"I'm sorry, if there's a mistake then you'll have to call the number on the statement. I can't access your bank details on this till."

(hand flicks in the air as if swatting at a wasp "I'm done with you girl, I want to speak to your manager."

~*~

Now, I've been in the shop this whole time and have listened to the conversation. My staff member comes over to get me and, after the initial look of 'you couldn't possibly be old enough to be in charge' she puts the paper back on the desk and says the self same thing to me.

Unfortunately I get the disco remix with two verses of "That girl said she wouldn't do anything" and a beet box of "I know my rights" I just calmly explain that there's nothing we could do and if she talks to or about my staff like that again, I would have to ask her to leave the store.

~*~

This is the moment when anger turns into blind terrier style yappy rage.

"How dare you talk to me like that, I demand to know why I'm forced to pay my hard earned cash on something like this. The girl before you was useless and you're just the same. I want to speak to someone higher than you." the 'you' at the end of this sentence is spat out like a pip. Pow right in the eye. The word 'speak' has a certain level of saliva in it, which narowly misses my left cheek. Phew, close call there!

~*~

"I can get a floor manager but...."

"No, I want (dramatic pause) the store manager."

"Unfortunately he's unavailable but I can get you a floor manager. I regret so say (I'm the sarcastic one now) that they will say the self same (sorry Siany) thing as me and my staff."

"Oh forget it, I'll go upstairs to business support. I'm just going round in crcles with you and that girl of yours."

~*~

And you have a lovely day too.

A Post About....Nothing. (Seriously)

2010-07-25T23:07:00.000+01:00

I am beat!

~*~

I'm contemplating on making those three words my entire post.

~*~

I am beat

~*~

But I won't. Instead, I will bore you with small stories about my days. It's just a pile of words. Every now and then, a couple of words pop up and say to me 'We're going to start a sentence, want to join us?' Most of the time I decline the offer, choosing instead to check my facebook page or watch another weird video on You Tube. But today, my fingers feel the urge to type. They want to get the random guff that's inside my brain, twist it into paragraphs, write it down and put a small star surrounded by two wavy lines after each one.

~*~

See

~*~

I've been typing a lot this evening. Writing a new CV from scratch, trawling through job vacancies at various shopping malls and stores, filling in online application forms and typing in criteria for flats I want to buy.

~*~

I, my good friend, am growing up! Yey me. After a day sipping JD and Coke and flinging a frisbee around, I'm sitting down and doing proper grown up work on a proper grown up computer ( as apposed to my cheeky little net book type affair) I won't lie and say I'm not scared about this whole thing. I'm terrified (I've been using that word a lot recently. I must get a thesaurus. Otherwise people are going to start to hate me.) But I'm tres exited. McBride is home for the summer and I keep forgetting that when he goes back to Glasgow, I'll be there next to him. Tugging on his sleeve and saying 'pleeeaaaaasssseeeeee can we buy that Kath Kidston apron?' or 'ooh ooh ooh, look, a Hello Kitty toaster!'

~*~

Erm, so this isn't going anywhere really is it. I think I might just delete the whole thing and start again. Then I think Nah, just type type type. Oh god whats this about? Quick, make a point, say something clever, witty, intelligent (which is the same as clever)

~*~

........

~*~

Nope, it's not happening. I'm going to bed.

~*~

Tomorrow I'll blog for a better reason than 'because my fingers wanted to.' Still, It kept my fingers out of the cake in the fridge for a while.

Five things

2010-07-10T19:03:00.001+01:00

Things that have flittered through the cobwebs of my mind in the last few days

~*~

1: I have a play to do.

A play I feel totally unprepared and under rehearsed for. When on stage, I feel like I'm really acting. That sound big headed and wrong, let me explain. I feel like there's no naturalness to my character. It all feels quite shallow in meaning. Like I'm just reading the lines from a book. I'm trying my hardest but I just look back over my last scene and think to myself 'That was obvious acting, and, even more worrying, not very good obvious acting.

~*~

2: My basic academic skills have failed me big time.

Standing at the till point, the transaction comes to £4.50. The customer gives me a £10 note and a 50 pence piece. I press the £4.50 button then can't for the life of me work out how much change to give the customer back. The till display is saying no change due to wrong button pressing and I'm left staring into my till drawer thinking 'so 10 take away fifty is nine fifty. plus four pound fifty is twenty seven divided by pi is...'

It's not difficult woman! Seriously. To make matters worse, I look to the customer and say (and I quote) 'Sorry, my mathematical skills are badder than I thought.' Badder? That's not even a word! Go back to school dipshit!

~*~

3: My arm muscles are starting to look like they could do some damage.

My new job demands more heavy lifting than my last job. In Gunwharf, I had about 9 men that could carry a box for me if i promised them tea. Now, I have no one so it's down to 5 foot 2 me to lug crates of notebook down a flight of stairs. Because of that, my arms are starting to muscle up a bit. Now, I must confess, it's nothing compared to the Fabulous Calves Of Finch™ but I'm quite proud of them.

~*~

4: The sun is shining

This makes me smile. Enough Said

~*~

5: He comes home on Tuesday. This is a very Very VERY good thing.

A Year

2010-06-28T20:56:00.000+01:00

In roughly two weeks time, I'll never (touch wood) have to live at opposite sides of the country from McBride again. Never have to wake up and wonder what he was up to, if it was raining where he was, if the sky was the same colour.

~*~

Because in a couple of weeks, I'll be able to just roll over and see him, frowning in his sleep.

~*~

A year has past. Where the flip did it go? OK so it's not been a whole year but near as damn. I've been reading back over past posts and looking back with a smile. That feeling in the pit of my tummy when I got on that train back in September. That feeling of total insecurity, longing, loneliness. There was a fair sized chunk of me that got left behind on that platform. And another fair sized chunk that was frightened about the year to come. Frightened of almost everything. Being alone, Him finding someone else, Him realising I wasn't all that I was cracked up to be. Terrified of just drifting through the year, never really knowing where or who I was. I was terrified of having to stand on my own two feet with no arm at my side to grab onto when it got slippery.

~*~

And now I'm here, typing about the fact that I won't have to do it again. A year has just flown by and I've grown in so many way (except physically). I'm a manager. I can drive (almost) I feel like I've grown up. I know now I can stand on my own two. and I can stick out my chest and say "Well bloody go me! Aren't I awesome?" (what's also good is the fact I remained modest throughout)

~*~

Then I think back to all the times I've had to say goodbye to him. Airports, Bus Stations, Train Platforms. Too many times, I was so caught up thinking about the next goodbye that I took for granted that magic moment when we said hello. So the last time he came home (about a month ago) I made sure that all I thought about was that moment.

~*~

Now it gets soppy.

~*~

It's when his hands touch either side of you face and he holds it like a glass flower.

Its when he smiles that little smile that only you seem to see.

It's when he strokes the hair off your face and says "Hey you"

It's when he kisses you and your legs go fizzy

It's when he looks at your tear streaked face and whispers "Don't cry beautiful"

It's when he holds your hand and you remember how much you missed it, but at the same time, it feels like it's been there the whole time.

~*~

Wow, I should write poetry.

The next post will be less gag inducing

~*~

Promise

England's Bid

2010-06-27T21:10:00.000+01:00

A few people I'd like to have a word with.

~*~

Mr Capello

You're mind games with the team have NOT worked. Leaving it until two hours before the game to tell which players are starting is NOT a good tac tic. The players will not respect you, they will not like you. Neither will the fans.

~*~

Mr Rooney

It is not your god forsaken right to wear that shirt. It is an honour and a privilege. Don't prance around like a fairy and then cry when the fans boo you. You have not made a single impact in what we laughingly call and attempt at the world cup. Don't pretend you are god. You are not!

~*~

Mr Official

The ball was sodding in. there is no way in hell it was out. Technology is there for a reason. Use it!

~*~

Mr England Fan

You spent £1000 pound to get across the world. Hotels, merchandise, tickets for the game, kit, sunscreen, whatever. It was all bought in the hope that we would win. I'm sorry the team we all support is so poor.

~*~

For 4 years we have waited. For 4 years we have hoped for that second star. And once again, 11 overpaid, underachieving morons have let us down.

~*~

And yet, in 4 years time, we'll all be there again, Thinking about 'what could be'.

~*~

I'll be in Scotland by then, Wishing we'd qualified.

Stupid Moment

2010-06-24T19:42:00.000+01:00

A short post but a post I feel I need to share.

~*~

I've been interviewing possible staff members all day today. All applicants were sweet, charming girls and I feel a little bad that I can't hire them all.

~*~

That's not the point

~*~

The point is this.

~*~

The first question in the interview is 'tell me about yourself.' The usual answers always pop up, sociable, friendly, enjoys films etc. But one girl said "I'm a twin"

~*~

The words fall out. I can feel them falling from my tongue but I can't stop them. The second I say it, the little voice in my had goes 'tit'

~*~

'Oh a twin, that's cool, Siamese?'

~*~

See, tit!

Giving Blood (Or Not)

2010-06-21T20:47:00.000+01:00

Two posts in one day. Lucky you.

~*~

So, it's been four months since I last handed over (via my left arm vein) a big bag of O positive. So after work today, Steffi and I head over to the local community centre to partake in a lovely blood giving type party. Well, that was the plan.

~*~

We arrive, have the compulsory glass of water and sit down before each being taken being a blue screen and asked out date of birth, if we've taken asperin in the last 7 days and if we've ever had sex with someone who injects themselves with blueberry juice whilst driving a heavy goods vehecle. All everyday questions.

~*~

Then the mini needle comes out. They prick the end of your finger and drop the blood into a small test tube full of blue liduid. Only my finger won't bleed. My poor circulation has once again come up trumps. the poor nurse is squeezing my finger so tight that hers are turning blue. We finally get enough claret and she plops (strange word that) it into the tube. It's supposed to sink, mine does not. Fab!

~*~

So it's onto the next table to have a blood test. A slightly bigger needle comes out to play and another lovely nurse takes a bit more blood. Then puts in in a machine before shaking her head and sighing.

~*~

"OK, so your iron levels are not quite up at where they need to be. We need them to be at least 125."

"And mine is?"

"111"

"Oh, Bloody hell." (No pun intended)

" Yeah so you can't give today I'm afraid, you'll have to give it a year before you can donate again"

Bollocks!

~*~

So, instead of getting myself prepared to give blood, I take the 'Iron Levels Down?' leaflet and sit nxt to Steffi (who also had to have an iron test but passed.)

She is mental and has to have a local anaesthetic to be able to give blood. A needle to stop the needle hurting, yeah that's brainy! But she's soon given her bag and is sitting up ready to head over to the food table to have a glass of squash and a penguin.

~*~

Then she goes grey.

~*~

She's quickly ushered back onto the bed and her feet are placed on a big pillow. Bloodyhell (there it is again) talk about drama queen. She's shaking like shaky thing and is a grey as a grey thing. I think it's time to call Gary. It's about ten minutes before she back sitting up again, swinger her legs over the side of the bed like a small child. Apparently she's desperate for the loo. All that water beforehand has made it's way through. So slowly, hand in hand. The two of us, the one who couldn't and the one who did but then went crazy, hobble to the loos.

~*~

"Do you mind if I blog about this? I ask

"Just don't take my picture and put it on facebook. If you hear a thud from the cubicle, I've gone again, climb over and get me."

~*~

Loves My Steffi

Mondays

2010-06-21T08:17:00.000+01:00

So it's Monday. Mondays are always so bloody hectic I almost wish they were at the end of the working week so I can relax afterwards.

~*~

Take today for example.

~*~

Get into work at half eight. (after sitting on a bus full of students who think they're rock stars when in fact all they can play on the guitar is the intro to 'Stairway to Heaven') and sign in. Put my bag in my locker (turn off phone to avoid rubbish iPhone battery running out) Pick up post and sigh at yet more CV's that i didn't ask for. Over to my shop.

~*~

Sign into the till, check till float and grab paperwork. Take paperwork up to first floor and get Saturdays taking from the blue folder in the canteen. Work out how we did against target and take all paper work up to top floor.

~*~

wait whilst another staff member uses the only computer. Then sign on and fill out Monday Morning Feedback. (a long process full of targets, percentages and equations. never the best thing so early on a Monday.

~*~

During this time, I also check emails. Plead vie email, apologise via email, beg via email and so on. before printing off any thing 'important' and photocopying anything necessary.

~*~

Then I head back down to the ground floor before taking a left into my stockroom (which is down yet another flight of stairs) I check for anything I may need (paperwork wise) during the day and then head to dispatch to make sure my pick up was indeed picked up.

~*~

Then it's back over to my till to count stamps and see what today's target is. Then look around the shop for anything that

a: links to any of the 'important' paperwork, things to be taken off etc

b: Is untidy and needs to be put right

c: needs to be replenished with stock.

~*~

After establishing point C, it's back down to the stockroom to get said stock. Then it's back up to the shop. And it's still only 9 o'clock.

~*~

It's going to be a long day!

I'M ON THE TRAIN

2010-06-20T15:51:00.000+01:00

Attention please, this is a platform alteration. The 18:45 train to Portsmouth Harbour is now arriving on platform 5.
~*~

By the time I've heard this message, I was about ready to strangle myself with my own ear phones. This really wasn't my day. It had started at 5:45 this morning and I still had to get from Guildford, then from Portsmouth and Southsea station, then (and this is the worst bit) from the bus stop at the end of the road!

~*~

Area Meeting.

All Managers To Attend.

GW Functions and Meeting Rooms

Swindon.

9:45 for a 10:00 start

Lunch Included.

~*~

I'll be honest, the journey up was ok. Apart from the fact I sat in bubble gum on th station at Winchester (change one of two on the way). I arrived in good time and got myself a hot chocolate. Other managers turned up and this is where the day started to go in a downwards direction. We had to sit around a large tabe with everone in a big leather apprentice style chair. Well, all except whoever got the chait in the corner. a chair with an 'office world' quality, no arms and a lot lower than the others. I didn't know this before we entered the room and chose to go to the bathroom. Only joining the room to find that I was the one in the baby seat. Looking like the small child at the end of the christmas table, with a plastic plate and non sharp cutlery.

~*~

Free water, thats nice, free biscuits, thats even better. So I sit in my corner, taking notes and nibbling on custard creams. Before the first hour is up, I've drunk two bottles of water. And now I need the loo. And I can't get out. Serious crossings of legs and holding stomach in the hope I don't 'leak'.

~*~

Toilet time, lunch time. nom nom nom. All very normal and sofisticated. Nice little sandwiches, nice plate of fruit, nice glasses of juice, niceness.

~*~

The remainder of the meetinggoes just a smoothly and by five, I'm back out and waiting for a train to take me to Reading, then Guildford, then home. Train one is ok. I sit with the Southampton store manager and the time travels quickly. Once in Reading, we say our goodbyes and I pelt over to platform 2.

~*~

This train is not so nice. On the inside, it looks more like a bus. Never mind I'll just sit here infront of this guy on his DS, he won't bother me, he seems....Whats that smell? Bacon? yes, said guy behind me is suddenly munching on a bacon sandwich and...chewing with his mouth wide open. Masticating like a frigging cow. Nice noise! time for headphones. So I stop heaing chompchompchomp and start hearing Mumford and sons...And the guy starts kicking the back of my chair. For Christ's Sake! You're an adult. keep your sodding feet still. Put them on the floor and...

~*~

Oh great. He's on the phone. Loudly and in Polish, or French, or Japanese. I don't care what language it was, it was loud and...bloody well loud. Shut up, shut up SHUT UP. The kicking by now is almost like a heart beat. The voice is naisle and annoying and the train carraige still smells of dead smoked pig. Yummy!

~*~

Guildford. Thank god. I step onto the platform and look around. only 5 minutes until my train. let's just hope there's no platform alterations.

ITV

2010-06-13T10:41:00.000+01:00

You Are Shit!

~*~

Now, I'm not a massive football fan. I don't watch Pompey play, I don't follow the premier league. But when England play, I get a little bit more involved.

~*~

I wasn't at work yesterday so after shopping and lunch with The Steffi and The Gary, we went round to a friends house for a BBQ and football game. I must admit, we all got a little bit drunk on some weird wine/amaretto/fruit juice mix.

~*~

Then the football was on. England were chasing the ball around as the USA kept control and then, four minutes in...ITV played adverts!

~*~

What the?

~*~

After about 30 seconds, the action came back and the group of us watched as Gerrard celebrated a goal.

Well done ITV HD. You stopped the game to advertise yourself and made many people miss Englands first goal. Congratulation!

~*~

I know I shouldn't be bothered but when your in a room with a few (slightly drunk) People who are all passionate about it, you kind of get swept up into it all. And when ITV do that, you suddenly become the biggest England supporter in the world and want to through your red and white face paint pots at the TV.

~*~

So Green let in a goal. So the ref gave out millions of yellow cards, so the American with the upside-down head won every header, none of that pissed me off more than ITV.

~*~

ITV you are rubbish. 4 years we wait and in 4 minutes, you ruin it. Ta.

~*~

End of rant

BAH!

2010-06-09T18:47:00.001+01:00

Hello, I need some help.

Of course madam.

*Pause*

Well?

Well, What's the problem?

I need to make a complaint.

Ok, what about?

*Longer pause*

Erm, I'd like to speak to a grown up?!

~*~

Ooh, that got me goat. The fact I've had builders in over the weekend who have left my shop units in the wrong places, the fact I've got a HUGE pile of paperwork to do, the fact that my PC keeps crashing, the fact that I didn't sleep last night, have all been pushed down the 'pissing me off' list and you have just hit the top spot.

~*~

Congratulations.

~*~

I'll call Someone to come help you.

O.K

*Make phone call, store manager comes, sorts out customer.*

~*~

Customer then picks up a card and brings it to the till.

Erm, Sorry madam, I'm not old enough to sell you that card. If you'd like to take your purchase to another till point. Thank You.

~*~

Yeah! Cow!

Britains Got...too many street dance acts!

2010-06-06T08:21:00.000+01:00

Because of this, I've decided to invent my own BGT finals, one without a twirling dog and a band of Justin Beiber mini clones.

~*~

And kicking off tonight LIVE final is, THE WRONG ROAD.

~*~

We need the A619. So we turn left out of our house in Chesterfield and down towards a massive roundabout. Turn all the way round and head back down the road we were already on. The A619 is indeed the road our holiday house was located.

~*~

Next tonight, Performing live, it's STEFFI'S DISAPPEARING KEYS.

~*~

We decided it was a fun Idea to walk from Bakewell to Buxton on and old abandoned railway. Great idea. So both cars drove to Bakewell, all passengers disembarked. Both cars then drove to Buxton. We dropped one car off there (To get into at the end of the walk) and drove the other back to Bakewell before setting off on the 8-actually it's 12- mile hike.

4 miles in, we're walking through a wee village when out of nowhere we hear "F**KINGHELL!!!"

We turn to find a distraught Steffi holding her hands up in the air and shouting. "What a tit, We're walking to get my car. Where are my car keys? In Trevs car."

Well, done, the dark horse of the competition. The grannies out there will love it.

~*~

Ok now this next act is something you shouldn't try at home. Please welcome, POOH BREADS

~*~

Yep, Pooh Breads. Like Pooh Sticks but with...well...bread really. Four of us played this game. You take a quarter of a slice f bread n hurl it into the river. first quarter to float to the weir is the winner. The current can be fierce and there's ducks and fish that could grab your quarter at anytime. Sheer adrenaline rush.

~*~

Next up, an act that needs to introduction, It's AUDIO TOUR VOICE OVER

~*~

Bolsova castle. £8 to get in so it had better be worth the money. We got given some walkie talkie looking things that gave us a virtual tour of the castle. A northern man told us 'personal history' "I can remember it now, all the hustle bustle, food going into the dining room, kitchen staff passing out from the heat, tourist plodding around 400 years on"

But it was the historical voice over that made it. The same voice that provides you with stations when on a train. The same voice that helps you home on your Sat Nav. Only this voice was...raunchy. "If you continue walking along the wall, you will see the stables...and I'm wearing nothing but Chanel Number 5." The Statues surrounding this fountain are made from marble...and have been very naughty."

~*~

OK, now, it's been in the press a lot this week and may catch on as a dance trend. It's THE PENGUIN

~*~

Steffi wore new flip flops to the shops and the soles were still quite slippy. Driving was a bit difficult due to her foot slipping off the clutch. So when we parked, she got out and started to shuffle around the car park with her arms held slightly away from her body. She shuffled in little circles, zig zags and spirals. She looked like a small penguin that had been left to it's own devices and had invented the game, 'both feet need to stay on the floor at all times.'

~*~

And, the final act of the night, It's BRITAINS GOT TALENT.

~*~

Britain does have talent. It does. But it also has a million street dance groups, Too many spoilt brats and way too many adverts.

Each act is 2 minutes long. 8 acts a night, that makes 16 minutes of performance. Add on a small intro and judges reactions, I make that 32 minutes of program. How the hell can you make it last and hour and a half? Seriously!!!

~*~

So, the lines are now OPEN. The winner will be announced in a half an hour program with a 4 minute concept after Harry Hill's TV burp. See you then.

Crisp Episode

2010-05-29T12:53:00.000+01:00

So I'm on the 700 bus, somewhere between Havant and Bosham. It's 11 o'clock in the morning and I'm reading.

~*~

The book is 'One Day' and it's rather good. I'm quite (well, very) distracted by the storyline. So much so that I can't tear my eyes away.

~*~

Here's where the story really starts.

~*~

Without looking away, I open a bag of pickled onion Monster Munch with one hand and start to nibble through. Taking out a paw shaped crisp, popping it in my mouth and repeating as necessary. All the while reading about Dexter and Emma. I notice (without looking) that the next Monster Munch is rather large, so I bite a bit off. As I do, another piece breaks off and fall onto the bus floor. I see it out of the corner of my eye, almost in slow motion, bounce off the blue and orange seat and hit the floor with a quiet smack noise.

~*~

What do I do?

~*~

Do I just leave it there? If I do, someone might tread on it and smoosh (is that a real word?) it into the floor. It's not going to roll away so it's not going anywhere. The old guy in the seat opposite is looking at me. I'm refusing to take my eyes off the book.

~*~

Do I pick it up? Will it make me look like a hungry tramp? I'll have to lean out into the aisle to retrieve it. What if the bus suddenly breaks and I end up falling out of my seat? By now about 30 seconds have passed. Is it too late to do anything now? I still wont' look away from my book. Scared of the judgement being passed by the old guy in the beige jacket.

~*~

This shouldn't be bugging me this much. It's hardly a life altering situation. Just pick up the poxy Monster Munch. Quickly, whilst the bus is stationary. NOW! Oops, bus is moving again and...Someone is coming up the stairs. Oh god, pick up the crisp, pick up the crisp, PICK UP THE CRISP!

~*~

Beige is still watching me. I'm staring blankly at a page that hasn't been turned for ages. How slow can I pretend to read? The woman is walking down the aisle, closer and closer. Footsteps beating on the floor. She's going to tread on the crisp. Why didn't I pick it up in the first 5 seconds? It's too late now. No hope. the Monster Munch is going to end up a small pile of crumbs!

~*~

GET OVER IT!

PICK IT UP!

MAKE A DECISION!

~*~

I lean out and quick like a cat, pick up the crisp. Beige tuts at me, I think he's half expecting me to eat it. Instead I hold it in my hand, triumphant. I made a decision. I am a god! I...Have nowhere to put the remains of the crisp.

~*~

Now, that's another story. I'm sure you're too distressed from this episode to know what happened after I picked it up. I know I was.

~*~

Hardly edge of your seat gritty, but still, made me stressed and paranoid.

~*~

I think my priorities might be slightly wrong.

Customers

2010-05-27T09:13:00.003+01:00

Hi there

Hello, I want some invitations

O.K, do you want plain ones or ones that say when and where etc?

Invitations!

Yes, what kind? ones that just say invitation or..

I said I want invitations, are you stupid?

~*~

Well clearly the evidence would suggest I am. Silly me, my psychic powers just aren't up to scratch. BAD MCFARLEY!

~*~

I do love my new job, don't get me wrong. It's just that there's a very affluent streak in most of my customers. they are the kind that are always right and proper. They (or probably their husbands) work hard for their money and have the right to act however they like when in a shop.

~*~

BAH!

~*~

Ah, psychic ability coming back. You're thinking 'What's the point of this post?' I'll tell you.

~*~

I (and a far few of my friends) work in retail. It's an honest job and put money in the bank account and cheerios in the breakfast bowl. We work hard, sometimes for very long days. We are always polite, punctual and friendly. We always try our hardest to provide you with what you need. We never argue back. We are humble folk who are just trying to keep our heads above financial water.

~*~

So please stop being so bloody rude!

~*~

New rules

~*~

If you are talking on your phone, (or even worse, begin a conversation) during a transaction, I will walk away from the till or serve another customer until you have finished.
If you throw the money onto the till, Then stand with your hand open ready for change, I will throw the change and receipt onto the till point in return. Hoping that the 10 pence piece will ricochet and hit you on the nose
If I say we don't have what you are looking for, and you go and ask another member of staff the same question, I will come over and ask you if my answers was unsatisfactory and demand an answer.
If, when asked if you need a bag, you say 'Of course I need one' then put the bag in your VERY LARGE BAG, I will ask for the bag back!
If, at the end of a transaction, you walk away without even the slightest look of regard or thanks, I will shout very loudly 'HAVE A NICE DAY THEN, BYE BYE!'

Don't say I didn't warn you.

~*~

Rant over. Thanks for listening. Have a nice day, bye bye.

Good Things And Boo Boos

2010-05-23T11:34:00.000+01:00

Here's an easy guide on what to do and what NOT to do when conducting a stock take.

DO: Arrive on time and come prepared

DON'T: Arrive half an hour late, then complain you have no change for parking.

~*~

DO: Treat the store manager with respect.

DON'T: take it out on the store manager when they say they can't open the till to change up a ten pound note.

~*~

DO: Be polite to both your staff and the staff of the shop you are stock checking

DON'T: Be racist 'They're probably lost, They're Asian!' Homophobic 'You sell...Mrs and Mrs card?!' *roll eyes in disgust* Patronising 'Erm, now shouldn't you really be serving your customers right now?'

~*~

DO: Remember that the store manager can report you for incompetence

DON'T: Be so slow that the store manager has to keep the store closed until midday!

~*~

DO: Check all equipment before starting the stock check

DON'T: Check 12 bays of cards before turning on the computer to find that the information has not been sent correctly

~*~

DO: Try very quickly to remedy computer problem

DON'T: Laugh and say 'Oh, it looks like We're going to have to start again'

~*~

DO: Stay focus on the task in hand

DON'T: Allow two members of staff to go and get a coffee so that they can gain change for the car park.

~*~

DO: Remember that the store manager has been awake since five, has been in the store since six and is still owed seven hours.

DON'T: Finish the stock take at half two in the afternoon and sarcastically say to store manager 'At least you can go home early!'

~*~

DO: Remain professional through out stock take

DON'T: Gossip about a stock take in another part of the store.

DON'T: Act like you're better than store manager just because you came from Sussex and store manager comes from Portsmouth

DON'T: Treat store manager like a child

DON'T: Keep telling store manager to 'Calm down, at least you don't have to deal with customers'

DON'T: Be surprised is store manager wants to slap you stupid with a wooden spoon.

DON'T: Ask why a wooden spoon!

Time capsule

2010-05-09T17:59:00.000+01:00

Gary spent yesterday at Nan and Grandad's house. Actually, I suppose it's just Nan's now isn't it. He spent a grey drizzly Saturday filling bin bags and boxes with a life time. Clearing out Grandad's room.

~*~

Just off of the kitchen in my grandparents house is a small room. It was once a bedroom for my youngest uncle, then it turned into my Grandad's room. Housing a PC, records, cross stitches, magazines and old wall paper. He would spend most of his spare time in there and when we visited on Sundays, he was only ever in his garden or in his room. It was his 'den'.

~*~

And now his den is empty of everything except a computer and a chair. His books, vinyls, crafts, photos are all now in boxes along my hall way. I came home from work yesterday and found them sitting there, wanting to be looked at again, after months of being left alone.

~*~

Steffi and Gary showed me pictures from before I was even thought about. Photos of them as a couple younger than me. My nan in a flat cap, my uncle with thick black hair, my grandparents living room with the same carpet I played with my toys on. All these images captured forever and left in a time capsule next to my nan's kitchen.

~*~

That's when I had one of those moments where the room goes fuzzy. I realised again that Grandad was gone. And I freaked out a little. I think it's because Grandad was phased out of our lives. We went from seeing him a lot, to seeing him sometimes, to rarely seeing him at all to a time where he was too ill to want us to see him. And I think it's because of the phasing out that I forget sometimes he's gone. A little part of me still thinks 'He's in the home, sleeping, dreaming of golf.'. It's hard to accept the fact that he's not going to come out of that small room next time I visit the house.

~*~

These yellowing photos have out lives the person that took them. He's left his memories for others to take care of.

~*~

It's just heart breaking to realise once more how he himself is just another 'memory'

OAP (Old Angry Person)

2010-05-06T21:07:00.000+01:00

I decided to treat myself today, so for lunch I popped in to Costa coffee and purchased a meatball panini and a peppermint tea. Scrummy Yummy Hot food. Let's face it, I'd worked blinking hard in that stock room all morning.

~*~

I hopped over the road (not literally, not like some weird bunnyfrog girl) and sat on a bench outside the cathedral. Once I'm down, I kind of float into my own little world, looking at the pretty flowers and playing angry birds on my phone. Then I hear a very loud beep.

~*~

Behind me is a parked car. On the other side of the road is a bus at the bus stop. Coming round the corner is a coach, and none of them are moving. The car shouldn't be there. It's parked in a spot that makes it impossible for the other to vehicles to budge. The coach is full of people, the bus has to stick to a schedule, and there's no one in the drivers seat of the car. Uh Oh, Spaghetti O's

~*~

The Coach driver is beeping at the car, his is making the woman in the passenger seat very upset and she starts shouting back at the coach. Out of kindness, the bus driver on the other side starts to (very slowly) reverse so the coach can get out. The coach (very slowly) pulls out and finally, an old man walks (very VERY slowly) out of the post office.

~*~

The tine little old man walks straight out in front of the bus (which by this time is running late) and the driver beeps his horn. "Is that your car?" he shouts, in that weird talking-through-glass way you do. The old guys waves his stick and hurls some angry words in the general direction of the bus. What he says is unclear. He tottles over and gets into his car, nearly opening his door into a cyclist in the process. He climbs in and shouts at his wife. Why? who knows.

~*~

This is the moment when I get dragged in. I can honestly say, there were many people staring but I was not one of them. I was still playing angry birds for most of it, glancing up every now and then to see the commotion. (COMMOTION!!!!! sorry, private joke) The old man looks up in my direction and we lock eyes. Only for a split second but it's enough time for him to show me his middle finger! Charming man. I set out twenty minutes ago for a nice lunch and now suddenly I'm a part of this strange scene of motor anger.

~*~

What did I do wrong?

Ways To Occupy Your Mind...

2010-05-04T20:30:00.000+01:00

...When you're suppose to be doing important work that you brought home because it is due to be sent off tomorrow morning at the very latest.

Check Emails (Very normal and equally important thing as Email address is linked to work.)
Check Facebook (no excuse for that one)
Much on a bag of crisps (McCoys, mmm)
Text Mr McBride (Nothing, I repeat NOTHING is more important, even transfer paperwork)
Watch ten minutes of The Simpsons (the one where Marge gets arrested.)
Braid the tassels on the ends of my scarf (the weather's a bit colder today)
File down that annoying jabby nail (broken in the line of duty this morning)
Draw the curtains (it's getting dark after all)
Make a cup of tea (green)
Open Skype and hope McBride is online (then close it down after finding out he's not)
Drink Tea whilst watching the rest of Simpsons. (burn tongue in process)
Receive text from Mr McBride (read and reply once more)
Take empty crisp packet and fold it into a triangle. (pointless exercise but and OCD none the less)
Sigh and pick up papers. (slowly)
Answer ringing phone (hurrah, saved by the bell)
Think about the term 'saved by the bell' and reminisce about the tacky but awesome TV programme. (by the time I grab my books and I give myself a look.... oh dear)
See it's getting late so go upstairs and put on PJ's (snuggly socks too)
Come back down and look at paperwork. ( with narrow eyes)
Say 'Meh' and push it all aside, (and think about more tea)
Open Blogger.

Think Twice Before Calling IT

2010-04-25T11:00:00.002+01:00

'This email has been blocked by the help desk due to profanity. Please only contact the IT help desk if you know the sender and wish to see the email'

~*~

Well, beings as the email contains a card recall that needs to be done, a health and safety checklist to check and a new contact list, I'd quite like the email ta! Ok dial 116 to call the help desk. The time is now 10:45.

~*~

Hello can I take your name?
I give my name.
And what is being the problem? (please be aware that this help desk is in fact in Poland and the chap is speaking in rather broken English).
Blocked mail, need to read, rather busy, no time.
Ok, I'll have a little look.

~*~

This is the moment when I'm put on hold and have to listen to a poor version on Celine Dions 'think twice' for ten minutes. The chap then comes back and says he can't get on the PC because it's locked. No shit Sherlock! every concession in the store uses it, why in lords name would it be unlocked? So I have to hang up, go back up to the second floor, and log into the PC. He then chips in and opens up the emails. It's weird to watch your computer do things your not telling it.

~*~

After he looks at the email, he opens a fresh mail and types 'all I can do is give you a reference number and you take that to the company that filters your mail.' he gives me the reference and bids me good day. The time is now 11:20.

~*~

Back downstairs and back over to the phone to ring another company. God that's a lot of stairs, getting hungry now, did that girl pay for that book? I get put in a queue. 'we as a company don't believe in talking to computers, so please hold the line whilst we find a qualified staff member to deal with your quiery'. Well Miss Computer, I might as well hadn't I? Thanks for the info. The time is now 11:35

~*~

Good morning, what was the problem? What, apart from the fact I'm hungry and missed my tea break because you put me on hold? And the fact I've been singing Celine Dion since 11 o'clock? I'm sorry, I'm not sure I can help you, hang on a moment, I'll ask. Don't put me on hold, don't put me on hold don't... Yep, there's Vivaldi. Hold music. 11:50! Yes sorry I can't help you. But I have the reference number! I know but we can't unblock it from here. You're going to have to speak to (don't say it) IT help desk!

~*~

Yep, the IT help desk, because I didn't try that did I? Far too stupid to read what the email originally said for me to do. 'ok, thanks anyway'. As I hang up, defeated and getting to the final verse of think twice in my head.

~*~

116 again. I explain the situation, almost certain the guy on the other end can here my stomach crying out for tea and biscuits. And he says the one sentence I knew was coming but hated all the same. 'we can't help you any further. Sorry' I feel like crying, or as Dion would do, belt out a huge note and clench my fist. 'I'll just double check' NO MORE BLOODY HOLD MUS... Oh, there it is. The time is now 12:15.

~*~

I never did get my email back. Stuck in a constant circle of apologies and love songs.

Happy/Muddled

2010-04-16T20:33:00.003+01:00

As I pulled into Havant bus station this evening (yes the bus driving lessons are going swimmingly, thanks for asking) I looked out to find a man sat on one of the benches. I was wearing a sharp dark blue pin-striped suit (is that hyphened? I'm not sure) He has a briefcase by his side, a copy of the financial times, very shiny shoes...and a happy meal!

~*~

He was ACTUALLY munching away on a small flat burger that he took from the brightly coloured box next to his briefcase. In my mind, he'd taken out the gherkin. In my mind, he was wondering what the toy was supposed to do. I hope he enjoyed it.

~*~

Is that the point? I don't really know. I'm in a muddle a the moment. I'm very busy, very tired, very here-there-and-everywhere. And do you know what? I'm loving it. I'm loving my new job. I'm loving being in charge, I'm loving the way I'm spending my free time.

~*~

That's the point, We've arrived at the point, cue the trumpets!!! hurrah!

~*~

The crucible. This play is no less that absolutely fan-blinking-tastic, with a cherry on top. The cast are wonderful, Miss Director is legendary. and the play has made me push all my boundaries. Whether it be my confidence, my diction, my acting in general, Arthur Miller has written a play that has made me want to work so hard I ache. In one part of the play, I left the stage shaking from the adrenaline. It's awesome. I LOVE IT

~*~

Now, that boy. Oh that boy. I miss him. But I'm so proud of him. Check out the York theatre royal Website. My Mr McBride is a cast member of the classic play 'The seagull'.At this very moment he's on stage on his opening night. God I wish I was there cheering in the audience.

~*~

This has been a rather mish-mash post. Like I said, I'm happy muddled.

Snow Patrol

2010-04-09T10:39:00.007+01:00

I find a map ad draw a straight line,

Over rivers, farms and state lines.

The distance from me to where you'd be,

It's only finger-lengths that I see.

~*~

I touch the place

Where I'd find your face.

My fingers in creases,

Of distant dark places.

~*~

I hand my coat up on the first bar.

There is no peace that I've found so far.

Their laughter penetrates my silence,

As drunken men find flaws in science.

~*~

Their words mostly noises,

Ghosts with just voices.

Your words in my memory,

Feel like music to me.

~*~

I'm miles from where you are,

I lay down on the cold ground and

I pray that something picks me up and

Sets me down in your warm arms.

~*~

I miss him so much.

Nodads and flowers

2010-04-07T08:06:00.002+01:00

Yes, I'm still here, somewhere between the Chichester Cross and Hilsea Lido. Showing my tatty bus pass in exchange for a 45 minute trip to work. Yes my new work. Same company, new store. More on that later.

~*~

Lifes been a bit... Well, words throw themselves at me. Unsettled, hard, crap, difficult, slightly painful. But I'm struggling through. Desperate to get to something sunnier.

~*~

Grandad's death brought my family to a halt. Although it was expected met with a tinge on relief, we didn't handle it as well as we thought we would. There were few tears between us until the funeral, I think that added to the strain we placed on each other. We each felt like we had to be the strong one, but with little communication about it, we didn't realise that there was no need for a 'strong one'. We'd all suffered a great loss, we didn't need to stay strong, we just needed to stay together. Something we realised on the day of the funeral.

~*~

The funeral was short, the way he wanted it. We had a great fuss over what he wanted and what he seemed to be getting. Certain people who weren't there for years suddenly piping up with ideas of bible readings and black ties. Two things he specifically asked to be left at home. But in the end we prevailed. My dad left his tie in the wardrobe and wore his 'nodad' (named so after 18 years of my dad pleading with his dad 'no dad, don't make me wear a waistcoat!') and My mum and I wore summer colours and flower patterns. 'bright and full of flowers, just like grandad's garden'

~*~

And his last moment with us was shared with the Village People as the YMCA blared out of the speakers whilst the curtains closed (family joke) it was good to turn around and see the 40 people behind us doing the dance, all with hazy damp eyes, but all laughing.

~*~

There's a hell of a lot more I could say, but another day.

~*~

Another day

A New Star In The Sky

2010-02-22T10:00:00.004Z

This was suppose to be a post about the amazing weekend I had in Scotland with my Mr McBride. But now I sit here, almost dumb struck.

~*~

Life has a fascination with getting in the way doesn't it?

~*~

My Grandad finally fell asleep on Saturday. I wasn't there when he went, no one was. Only a nurse that was doing her rounds. I've been told there was no struggle, no pain and no tears.

~*~

I know that's a lie. Well, it's not a complete lie. I'm sure that in those last few hours there were none. But the past few months have been full of them. But that's not the point. There is no point really. Just a bundle of words thrown together in the newspaper. That's where my grandad will end up. On a newspaper page in a list of others who no longer have suffering, pain and tears.

~*~

I feel... How do I feel? I don't really know. It's odd. This black cloud of a disease had hovered over my entire family for 9 months now. We knew the day was going to come. But now it has, I'm finding it pretty hard to come to terms with it. I haven't cried a lot. I've just kind of wandered around, lost in a little bubble of confusion. How am I meant to feel? Relief that he's no longer hurting? Sadness that I'll never hold his hand again? Anger that this horrid disease has stolen another family member? I don't know. So I think the best way is to say I'm numb. The emotion will come. I know that. But right now, I just need to get through the barrier.

~*~

I'm not saying I feel nothing. It's just I'm feeling so many different things It's become a feeling I've never felt before. Because I've not felt it, I can't deal with it. It hurts.

~*~

My thoughts then turn to Siany Sian. A beautiful person who is in the self same ship. A ship which, due to my own problem, I completely forgot about when I saw her last. I was suppose to hug her. Tell her I was there for her. Tell her... Well, there's no point in listing it all now. I feel ashamed to say I was so worried about my own trouble, I pushed hers away. For that I apologise.

~*~

My Grandad was always so tall. When I was small, I thought he was the tallest man in the world. When I last saw him, We was a tiny little man sat in his chair, his right hand limp and his hair gone. But he still smiled when he saw me and said those words he always said when he saw me.

~*~

'Hello Beautiful'

~*~

I'm not beautiful. I'm just me. He's the one who's beautiful. He's that new star in the sky that hangs over my house. I miss him.

Saturdays

2010-02-06T10:43:00.004Z

Saturdays have always been a busy day for me.

~*~

From the age of 4 I spent my Saturdays at dancing lessons. Then, after starting part time work at 16, the Saturdays shifted from ballet classes to children's keep fit classes. Now I'm a supervisor in a busy shop so Saturdays are always on the rota. If I do have a Saturday away from' the office' it's because I'm doing something equally tiring, whether that be going to the airport, going to a party or turning 22.

~*~

This week, Work has been a stress fest! my manager has been away so I've had to do three 10 hour days. But that does come with a wee treat. A Saturday morning!!!!!

~*~

I woke up at about half eight, which is bloody typical, when you HAVE to wake up early, you can't, but when you can sleep in, you wake up at stupid o'clock! Where was I? oh, yes, waking up. woke up and thought of a cracking breakfast idea (an idea I stole from a Marian Keyes book)

~*~

I toasted 6 slices of bread (yes six! I'm a piggy) and had hem as follows

Nutella
Butter
Nutella
Marmite
Nutella
Jam

It was AMAZING! and I now feel like I can go the rest of the day with no more food. I mean lets face it, I've already hit my sugar intake!

~*~

Then I read the paper. Well, that's a lie, i read he weekend magazine that came with the paper then looked at the pictures in the actual paper. So apparently Jordan is married again, John Terry's been a naughty boy and...oh who cares.

~*~

I'm off to work in a minute and when I get there, all the work for the day will have already been done so basically it's a stress free day. After the week I've had, i need a day like today. All i have to think about it (oops, more lists!)

What should I have for dinner?
Should I have eaten that third nutella slice?
There's only 5 day until I go to Glasgow!!!!

~*~

Saturdays can be fun, who'd have thunk it!

Mirrors, Signal...

2010-02-03T11:53:00.003Z

Ha! driving lesson number one!

~*~

Another piece of 'growing up' I have yet to do. Learning to drive. To say I was nervous this morning would be a lie. I was actually looking forward to the lesson. Dancing around the kitchen putting away knives and forks from the dishwasher and imagining myself cruising down the sea front.

~*~

Then the car pulled up outside and my stomach went 'Thunk' (The noise I imagine it making as it gets hit with ten thousand bags of nerves)

~*~

But Gary (not father figure) seemed nice and drove me to a secluded place near an industrial estate before taking me through all the first lesson gubbins' I discovered early on in the lesson he uses tactics to calm new drivers down.

~*~

"Right, we're going to MOVE the car, so you need to put your left foot on the clutch, go into first gear...is your surname Scottish?"

"Ey?"

And that's kind of how the conversations went, somewhere between informative and downright strange. But I have to admit, it did calm me down. I calmed down so much that when he said "No go into third" I went into fifth. And the car cried out "OW!! NOT SO HARD PLEASE I'M ONLY DOING 26 MILES AN HOUR!"

~*~

Other stuff? It's my three year anniversary tomorrow, which is amazing! And I'm going up to Glasgow a week tomorrow, Which is also amazing. I don't celebrate valentines day at all but it's nice that when i get all the sickly sweet lovey dovey couple come into my shop around the 'blessed' holiday, I can't say I'm spending mine with the one I love as well. So there, you people with your public displays of affection, Stick that in you're heart shaped chocolate box!!!

~*Sunshine Butterfly *~

That Time of year

Posting before I lose the nerve...

So Apparently I'm Sexy

Hell and Back (Via Milton Keynes)

Mwah-ha-ha-ha (An Evil Laugh For Halloween)

Curry (Of The Tim Kind)

My Tiny Penis

A Poem (Of Which I Can Take No Credit)

Saucy

Saturday Night Check List.

Colin

Moments of Smiling

Welcome Back.

Another day/store/customer

Curiosity Killed The Charles

A Pointless Post.

True Love

Fashion Faux-Pas. (Flashdance style)

So Apparently...

The Census

Wonder Woman

Things I've worked out recently

The Walk To Work

How To Make Fajitas

Shop Confusion

My Kitchen

Thug

Asda

Destiny

Sleepless Night

Train Journeys SUCK!

Snotbag

Carol Singers

Weather

Human Cushion

Male Customers

Happiness is...

One Of Those Days..

Finally.

Home

Yep, Still Here

Small people

Finding Things Out The Hard Way

YapYapYap

A Post About....Nothing. (Seriously)

Five things

A Year

England's Bid

Stupid Moment

Giving Blood (Or Not)

Mondays

I'M ON THE TRAIN

ITV

BAH!

Britains Got...too many street dance acts!

Crisp Episode

Customers

Good Things And Boo Boos

Time capsule

OAP (Old Angry Person)

Ways To Occupy Your Mind...

Think Twice Before Calling IT

Happy/Muddled

Snow Patrol

Nodads and flowers

A New Star In The Sky

Saturdays

Mirrors, Signal...

~Sunshine Butterfly ~