A Demonstation

I was wandering around town today looking for bargains (and new slippers) And I wandered into Anne Summers. (they had a sale on and... hell, I don't have to justify! I like the underwear!)

Then I got a text from a friend at work, so I multi tasked. I text back "Strong mints help me when mine hurts" (he had a sore throat) and continued to wander round.

~*~

As I looked up from the phone, I found myself surrounded by...Grown up things! I had obviously walked into the 'over 18' Section. I actually gasped slightly.

~*~

Now, I'm not saying this stuff shocks me. I know what it is, I know what it's for and there's nothing wrong with them. I just wasn't expecting to look up from a text about strong mints and come face to face with a big purple...ladies friend! (Steffi calls them bobs, Battery Operated Boyfriends) I looked around with a look that I believe was a cross between confusion and amusement. I must have looked slightly scared as well as a shop assistant came over.

~*~

"Would you like a demonstration on anything?"

~*~

What? Are you going to get naked? Is this legal? Are you going to make me get naked? Is this a wind up? A demonstration? What? Shouldn't we at least have coffee first? Bit forward aren't we?

All these questions whizzed through my head in a matter of seconds but all I could physically do was stare at her. Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye. And I tell no lie, the first words I said after I was offered a hopefully legal demonstration was...

~*~

"Dirty pillow?"

~*~

Yep, get in there Charley, grab your coat, you've pulled!

~*~

What I had seen was a fluffy pillow in the shape of lips under a sign that said 'Dirty Pillows'. The shop assistant looked slightly scared then said 'Yes, it's a pillow that when you press it, It talks dirty to you.'

~*~

Why would I want that? A pillow that spat out automated innuendoes? Oh god. I need to get out of this scary place! I just smiled and said 'Mmm, maybe another time' (hopefully I steeped the remark in irony. I'd rather she didn't think I was serious.)

~*~

Want to hear the scary bit? I went to find it online to show Steffi what I meant. It's not there!

~*~

Oh god, was it some kind of weird non sexy pillow dream?