Think Twice Before Calling IT

'This email has been blocked by the help desk due to profanity. Please only contact the IT help desk if you know the sender and wish to see the email'

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Well, beings as the email contains a card recall that needs to be done, a health and safety checklist to check and a new contact list, I'd quite like the email ta! Ok dial 116 to call the help desk. The time is now 10:45.

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 Hello can I take your name?
 I give my name.
And what is being the problem? (please be aware that this help desk is in fact in Poland and the chap is speaking in rather broken English).
Blocked mail, need to read, rather busy, no time.
Ok, I'll have a little look.

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This is the moment when I'm put on hold and have to listen to a poor version on Celine Dions 'think twice' for ten minutes. The chap then comes back and says he can't get on the PC because it's locked. No shit Sherlock! every concession in the store uses it, why in lords name would it be unlocked? So I have to hang up, go back up to the second floor, and log into the PC. He then chips in and opens up the emails. It's weird to watch your computer do things your not telling it.

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 After he looks at the email, he opens a fresh mail and types 'all I can do is give you a reference number and you take that to the company that filters your mail.' he gives me the reference and bids me good day. The time is now 11:20.

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Back downstairs and back over to the phone to ring another company. God that's a lot of stairs, getting hungry now, did that girl pay for that book? I get put in a queue. 'we as a company don't believe in talking to computers, so please hold the line whilst we find a qualified staff member to deal with your quiery'. Well Miss Computer, I might as well hadn't I? Thanks for the info. The time is now 11:35

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Good morning, what was the problem? What, apart from the fact I'm hungry and missed my tea break because you put me on hold? And the fact I've been singing Celine Dion since 11 o'clock? I'm sorry, I'm not sure I can help you, hang on a moment, I'll ask. Don't put me on hold, don't put me on hold don't... Yep, there's Vivaldi. Hold music. 11:50! Yes sorry I can't help you. But I have the reference number! I know but we can't unblock it from here. You're going to have to speak to (don't say it) IT help desk!

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Yep, the IT help desk, because I didn't try that did I? Far too stupid to read what the email originally said for me to do. 'ok, thanks anyway'. As I hang up, defeated and getting to the final verse of think twice in my head.

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116 again. I explain the situation, almost certain the guy on the other end can here my stomach crying out for tea and biscuits. And he says the one sentence I knew was coming but hated all the same. 'we can't help you any further. Sorry' I feel like crying, or as Dion would do, belt out a huge note and clench my fist. 'I'll just double check' NO MORE BLOODY HOLD MUS... Oh, there it is. The time is now 12:15.

~*~

I never did get my email back. Stuck in a constant circle of apologies and love songs.