The End Of Another Week

I'm beginning to realise just how precious time can be. I'm beginning to understand that spare time is a godsend and should never be wasted.

Today I went for a long walk along Portsmouth Seafront. With Mr McBride beside me, we walked against the wind, being overtaken by joggers and watching dogs run wildly after sticks thrown by frozen people. And I realised that the two of us hadn't spent any time alone together for a long time.

The fact that he lives with his brother and I live with my folks makes it a little difficult to find anywhere at home, basically the only time we're alone is when we're both asleep in bed. Over the last few weeks the two of us have been so busy that if we do see each other, it's for a couple of hours in the evening, or that 10 minute slot in the mornings before he goes to work.

Over that hour and a half, i felt so happy to be....well, happy just to be. I was cold, windswept and slightly wet but it wasn't an issue. and it was amazing.

I guess I just twigged that I worry way to much about the little things like the fact my back hurts, that fact that Mr McBride might leave for Scotland, just things that i can't change and may never happen. Obviously I want him to get into drama school more than anything but there's a part of me ( a selfish part) that just wants him to stay and snuggle.

But I'm pushing those thoughts away and just concentrating on the fact that he's here with me now, he still smiles at me in the mornings so i can't be doing that badly. he hasn't looked over with a face that says "oh god, you again!"

So now my free time will consist of happy things, I won't worry that one day I'll be helpless, I won't fuss over stupid details and I won't waste time wondering 'what if', because at the end of the day, life's too short for things like what if and if only. Face facts, life goes on, and I've got to just bloody well get on with it. Waste time on people who would waste time on me. Cry if i need to, but laugh a whole lot more.

It's like what i wrote in the sand only hours ago.

"Life's To Short For Chess"