Fed Up With All Of It

I'm in the middle of a brief moment when i feel just 100% crap

I just feel like everything wrong with my body has come up at once.

I found out a week ago that i have a weak right kidney, and it's that weak right kidney that has caused my major lower back problems and infections of the innards for the past 4 years. It took a training doctor at the St Mary's drop in centre to tell me that, the other doctors went through a whole list from diabetes to ME before finally settling on the 'poor immune system' crap. It just makes me wonder what so many of the doctors do at work, It doesn't seem like they're really that bothered, just throw some antibiotics at the problem and hope it doesn't resurface.

Now before you judge me, I'm not saying all doctors are like this, the ones That Steffi sees about her head are wonderful people, the ones her looked after my dad after his heart problems were lovely, and the lady i had when i first got tonsillitis was sweet. But four the past for years i have been thrown from QA to St Mary's To My local GP to find out whats wrong with me. they took blood, they did scans and at the end of the day it just feels like they went "Bored with this girl now, lets just tell her she's got a rubbish immune system"

And now i find out that if i led the life of a typical teenager (lots of alcohol and stuff like that) I'd probably be looking at a new kidney by aged 35! Thank god i don't smoke or drink a lot!

So that got me down a bit, and as i got down, i got ill. Painful throat and a mouth full of ulcers. (yeah, 8th round in the tonsillitis game) making it illegal for me to do one of the few things that would cheer me up, kiss my McBride. Until at least Friday i have to basically not come into contact with ANYONE, i have to disinfect cups and cutlery i use, i have to wash my hands every 5 minutes and i can't let my lips touch anyone, which is hard for someone who hugs everyone in her path.

So I'm sat here, in solitary confinement, debating on weather or not i can be bothered to cook some food, i can't swallow it because it hurts my throat, and if i do eat it, i have to wash my hands at least 5 times, put the knife and fork in boiling water then bleach, disinfect the kitchen side as my hands have probably touched that as well, then put more cream on the cold sore, take more medication for the disease and drink a gallon of water. sounds like a plan to me!