Shop Confusion

I had the day off work yesterday.

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Never one to venture out of my comfort zone, I went shopping with V from work. (she's new to this blog, be nice to her and say hi. Hello V!) V needs a new dress for her boyfriends birthday party. I need...well nothing really but I'm on my own this week and fancied some company.

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We meet outside work at half 11 and wander around Buchanan Street and such before heading to McDonald's.

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All very normal and un-blog-worthy I hear you cry. Never fear. here's where it all starts.

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Hollister!

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Have you ever been in one of these shops? It's the most bizarre place I've ever visited. And I've been to Bulgaria. On entering, we are met by a greeter girl who (with a hint of fakeness in her voice) welcomes us to 'the Pier'. The pier? Suddenly I've been transported to a beach somewhere where they sell polo shirts and jogging bottoms. I used to live near the beach and I can assure you. South Parade pier didn't look like this. Wheres the two pence machines? The toy grabbing machine that makes that bloody awful 'YOU FAIL' noise when you lift an empty crane out of the teddy's? This is nothing like the pier back home. For one thing,  the pier back home had it's light on.

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Yes, the lights. Ever had an intimate evening with your partner? you turn down/off the main light and sit in near darkness with just a small lamp or the  TV providing just enough light for you to see things and not bump into them. It's romantic no? That's the lighting in this shop. Jeans are displayed in almost candlelit brightness and small 3 watt bulbs hang from the ceiling. The brightest form of light is the huge LED screen at the back of the shop that shows waves on the tropical shore. Everywhere else is covered in a half light that leaves me full of concern for the mole like workers.

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All the workers are in checked shirts and cool hip and happening bottoms. All the girls have big hair and big grins. The guys have too much styling gel and not one of them has their collar down. Every single one of them has model looks, no blemishes/braces/roots in sight (well, at least I don't think so, it was so blinking dark). They parade around in the twilight bopping along to the tunes falling out the speaker, the bass turned up way too loud. Meanwhile, the air has a humidity to it that's sticky enough for both V and I to take off our coats. Maybe it's supposed to give us a beach/holiday feel but by the time I'm near the back (by the waves) I'm confused, deafened, sweaty and concerned for my eyesight. I don't understand. there's even a sitting area near the tills. I suppose that must be for all the sunbathing you do in the middle of Glasgow on a Wednesday afternoon

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 Hi, Welcome to Hollister, It's dark in here, we're all better looking than you, nothing has a price on it and it's warm enough to cook bacon in here. Please buy something.

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Maybe I'm just getting old?