I'M ON THE TRAIN

Attention please, this is a platform alteration. The 18:45 train to Portsmouth Harbour is now arriving on platform 5.
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By the time I've heard this message, I was about ready to strangle myself with my own ear phones. This really wasn't my day. It had started at 5:45 this morning and I still had to get from Guildford, then from Portsmouth and Southsea station, then (and this is the worst bit) from the bus stop at the end of the road!

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Area Meeting.

All Managers To Attend.

GW Functions and Meeting Rooms

Swindon.

9:45 for a 10:00 start

Lunch Included.

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I'll be honest, the journey up was ok. Apart from the fact I sat in bubble gum on th station at Winchester (change one of two on the way). I arrived in good time and got myself a hot chocolate. Other managers turned up and this is where the day started to go in a downwards direction. We had to sit around a large tabe with everone in a big leather apprentice style chair. Well, all except whoever got the chait in the corner. a chair with an 'office world' quality, no arms and a lot lower than the others. I didn't know this before we entered the room and chose to go to the bathroom. Only joining the room to find that I was the one in the baby seat. Looking like the small child at the end of the christmas table, with a plastic plate and non sharp cutlery.

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Free water, thats nice, free biscuits, thats even better. So I sit in my corner, taking notes and nibbling on custard creams. Before the first hour is up, I've drunk two bottles of water. And now I need the loo. And I can't get out. Serious crossings of legs and holding stomach in the hope I don't 'leak'.

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Toilet time, lunch time. nom nom nom. All very normal and sofisticated. Nice little sandwiches, nice plate of fruit, nice glasses of juice, niceness.

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The remainder of the meetinggoes just a smoothly and by five, I'm back out and waiting for a train to take me to Reading, then Guildford, then home. Train one is ok. I sit with the Southampton store manager and the time travels quickly. Once in Reading, we say our goodbyes and I pelt over to platform 2.

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This train is not so nice. On the inside, it looks more like a bus. Never mind I'll just sit here infront of this guy on his DS, he won't bother me, he seems....Whats that smell? Bacon? yes, said guy behind me is suddenly munching on a bacon sandwich and...chewing with his mouth wide open. Masticating like a frigging cow. Nice noise! time for headphones. So I stop heaing chompchompchomp and start hearing Mumford and sons...And the guy starts kicking the back of my chair. For Christ's Sake! You're an adult. keep your sodding feet still. Put them on the floor and...

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Oh great. He's on the phone. Loudly and in Polish, or French, or Japanese. I don't care what language it was, it was loud and...bloody well loud. Shut up, shut up SHUT UP. The kicking by now is almost like a heart beat. The voice is naisle and annoying and the train carraige still smells of dead smoked pig. Yummy!

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Guildford. Thank god. I step onto the platform and look around. only 5 minutes until my train. let's just hope there's no platform alterations.