Crisp Episode

So I'm on the 700 bus, somewhere between Havant and Bosham. It's 11 o'clock in the morning and I'm reading.

~*~

The book is 'One Day' and it's rather good. I'm quite (well, very) distracted by the storyline. So much so that I can't tear my eyes away.

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Here's where the story really starts.

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Without looking away, I open a bag of pickled onion Monster Munch with one hand and start to nibble through. Taking out a paw shaped crisp, popping it in my mouth and repeating as necessary. All the while reading about Dexter and Emma. I notice (without looking) that the next Monster Munch is rather large, so I bite a bit off. As I do, another piece breaks off and fall onto the bus floor. I see it out of the corner of my eye, almost in slow motion, bounce off the blue and orange seat and hit the floor with a quiet smack noise.

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What do I do?

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Do I just leave it there? If I do, someone might tread on it and smoosh (is that a real word?) it into the floor. It's not going to roll away so it's not going anywhere. The old guy in the seat opposite is looking at me. I'm refusing to take my eyes off the book. 

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Do I pick it up? Will it make me look like a hungry tramp? I'll have to lean out into the aisle to retrieve it. What if the bus suddenly breaks and I end up falling out of my seat? By now about 30 seconds have passed. Is it too late to do anything now? I still wont' look away from my book. Scared of the judgement being passed by the old guy in the beige jacket.

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This shouldn't be bugging me this much. It's hardly a life altering situation. Just pick up the poxy Monster Munch. Quickly, whilst the bus is stationary. NOW! Oops, bus is moving again and...Someone is coming up the stairs. Oh god, pick up the crisp, pick up the crisp, PICK UP THE CRISP!

~*~

Beige is still watching me. I'm staring blankly at a page that hasn't been turned for ages. How slow can I pretend to read? The woman is walking down the aisle, closer and closer. Footsteps beating on the floor. She's going to tread on the crisp. Why didn't I pick it up in the first 5 seconds? It's too late now. No hope. the Monster Munch is going to end up a small pile of crumbs!

~*~

GET OVER IT!

PICK IT UP!

MAKE A DECISION!

~*~

I lean out and quick like a cat, pick up the crisp. Beige tuts at me, I think he's half expecting me to eat it. Instead I hold it in my hand, triumphant. I made a decision. I am a god! I...Have nowhere to put the remains of the crisp.

~*~

Now, that's another story. I'm sure you're too distressed from this episode to know what happened after I picked it up. I know I was.

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Hardly edge of your seat gritty, but still, made me stressed and paranoid.

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I think my priorities might be slightly wrong.

Customers

Hi there

Hello, I want some invitations

O.K, do you want plain ones or ones that say when and where etc?

Invitations!

Yes, what kind? ones that just say invitation or..

I said I want invitations, are you stupid?

~*~

Well clearly the evidence would suggest I am. Silly me, my psychic powers just aren't up to scratch. BAD MCFARLEY!

~*~

I do love my new job, don't get me wrong. It's just that there's a very affluent streak in most of my customers. they are the kind that are always right and proper. They (or probably their husbands) work hard for their money and have the right to act however they like when in a shop.

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BAH!

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Ah, psychic ability coming back. You're thinking 'What's the point of this post?' I'll tell you.

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I (and a far few of my friends) work in retail. It's an honest job and put money in the bank account and cheerios in the breakfast bowl. We work hard, sometimes for very long days. We are always polite, punctual and friendly. We always try our hardest to provide you with what you need. We never argue back. We are humble folk who are just trying to keep our heads above financial water.

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So please stop being so bloody rude!

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New rules

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• 
  
  If you are talking on your phone, (or even worse, begin a conversation) during a transaction, I will walk away from the till or serve another customer until you have finished.
• 
  
  If you throw the money onto the till, Then stand with your hand open ready for change, I will throw the change and receipt onto the till point in return. Hoping that the 10 pence piece will ricochet and hit you on the nose
• 
  
  If I say we don't have what you are looking for, and you go and ask another member of staff the same question, I will come over and ask you if my answers was unsatisfactory and demand an answer.
• 
  
  If, when asked if you need a bag, you say 'Of course I need one' then put the bag in your VERY LARGE BAG, I will ask for the bag back!
• 
  
  If, at the end of a transaction, you walk away without even the slightest look of regard or thanks, I will shout very loudly 'HAVE A NICE DAY THEN, BYE BYE!'

Don't say I didn't warn you.

~*~

Rant over. Thanks for listening. Have a nice day, bye bye.

Good Things And Boo Boos

Here's an easy guide on what to do and what NOT to do when conducting a stock take.

DO: Arrive on time and come prepared

DON'T: Arrive half an hour late, then complain you have no change for parking.

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DO: Treat the store manager with respect.

DON'T: take it out on the store manager when they say they can't open the till to change up a ten pound note.

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DO: Be polite to both your staff and the staff of the shop you are stock checking

DON'T: Be racist 'They're probably lost, They're Asian!' Homophobic 'You sell...Mrs and Mrs card?!' *roll eyes in disgust* Patronising 'Erm, now shouldn't you really be serving your customers right now?'

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DO: Remember that the store manager can report you for incompetence

DON'T: Be so slow that the store manager has to keep the store closed until midday!

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DO: Check all equipment before starting the stock check

DON'T: Check 12 bays of cards before turning on the computer to find that the information has not been sent correctly

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DO: Try very quickly to remedy computer problem

DON'T: Laugh and say 'Oh, it looks like We're going to have to start again'

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DO: Stay focus on the task in hand

DON'T: Allow two members of staff to go and get a coffee so that they can gain change for the car park.

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DO: Remember that the store manager has been awake since five, has been in the store since six and is still owed seven hours.

DON'T: Finish the stock take at half two in the afternoon and sarcastically say to store manager 'At least you can go home early!'

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DO: Remain professional through out stock take

DON'T: Gossip about a stock take in another part of the store.

DON'T: Act like you're better than store manager just because you came from Sussex and store manager comes from Portsmouth

DON'T: Treat store manager like a child

DON'T: Keep telling store manager to 'Calm down, at least you don't have to deal with customers'

DON'T: Be surprised is store manager wants to slap you stupid with a wooden spoon.

DON'T: Ask why a wooden spoon!

Time capsule

Gary spent yesterday at Nan and Grandad's house. Actually, I suppose it's just Nan's now isn't it. He spent a grey drizzly Saturday filling bin bags and boxes with a life time. Clearing out Grandad's room.

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Just off of the kitchen in my grandparents house is a small room. It was once a bedroom for my youngest uncle, then it turned into my Grandad's room. Housing a PC, records, cross stitches, magazines and old wall paper. He would spend most of his spare time in there and when we visited on Sundays, he was only ever in his garden or in his room. It was his 'den'.

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And now his den is empty of everything except a computer and a chair. His books, vinyls, crafts, photos are all now in boxes along my hall way. I came home from work yesterday and found them sitting there, wanting to be looked at again, after months of being left alone.

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Steffi and Gary showed me pictures from before I was even thought about. Photos of them as a couple younger than me. My nan in a flat cap, my uncle with thick black hair, my grandparents living room with the same carpet I played with my toys on. All these images captured forever and left in a time capsule next to my nan's kitchen.

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That's when I had one of those moments where the room goes fuzzy. I realised again that Grandad was gone. And I freaked out a little. I think it's because Grandad was phased out of our lives. We went from seeing him a lot, to seeing him sometimes, to rarely seeing him at all to a time where he was too ill to want us to see him. And I think it's because of the phasing out that I forget sometimes he's gone. A little part of me still thinks 'He's in the home, sleeping, dreaming of golf.'. It's hard to accept the fact that he's not going to come out of that small room next time I visit the house.

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These yellowing photos have out lives the person that took them. He's left his memories for others to take care of.

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It's just heart breaking to realise once more how he himself is just another 'memory'

OAP (Old Angry Person)

I decided to treat myself today, so for lunch I popped in to Costa coffee and purchased a meatball panini and a peppermint tea. Scrummy Yummy Hot food. Let's face it, I'd worked blinking hard in that stock room all morning.

~*~

I hopped over the road (not literally, not like some weird bunnyfrog girl) and sat on a bench outside the cathedral. Once I'm down, I kind of float into my own little world, looking at the pretty flowers and playing angry birds on my phone. Then I hear a very loud beep.

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Behind me is a parked car. On the other side of the road is a bus at the bus stop. Coming round the corner is a coach, and none of them are moving. The car shouldn't be there. It's parked in a spot that makes it impossible for the other to vehicles to budge. The coach is full of people, the bus has to stick to a schedule, and there's no one in the drivers seat of the car. Uh Oh, Spaghetti O's

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The Coach driver is beeping at the car, his is making the woman in the passenger seat very upset and she starts shouting back at the coach. Out of kindness, the bus driver on the other side starts to (very slowly) reverse so the coach can get out. The coach (very slowly) pulls out and finally, an old man walks (very VERY slowly) out of the post office. 

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The tine little old man walks straight out in front of the bus (which by this time is running late) and the driver beeps his horn. "Is that your car?" he shouts, in that weird talking-through-glass way you do. The old guys waves his stick and hurls some angry words in the general direction of the bus. What he says is unclear. He tottles over and gets into his car, nearly opening his door into a cyclist in the process. He climbs in and shouts at his wife. Why? who knows.

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This is the moment when I get dragged in. I can honestly say, there were many people staring but I was not one of them. I was still playing angry birds for most of it, glancing up every now and then to see the commotion. (COMMOTION!!!!! sorry, private joke) The old man looks up in my direction and we lock eyes. Only for a split second but it's enough time for him to show me his middle finger! Charming man. I set out twenty minutes ago for a nice lunch and now suddenly I'm a part of this strange scene of motor anger.

~*~

What did I do wrong?

Ways To Occupy Your Mind...

...When you're suppose to be doing important work that you brought home because it is due to be sent off tomorrow morning at the very latest.

• Check Emails (Very normal and equally important thing as Email address is linked to work.)
• Check Facebook (no excuse for that one)
• Much on a bag of crisps (McCoys, mmm)
• Text Mr McBride (Nothing, I repeat NOTHING is more important, even transfer paperwork)
• Watch ten minutes of The Simpsons (the one where Marge gets arrested.)
• Braid the tassels on the ends of my scarf (the weather's a bit colder today)
• File down that annoying jabby nail (broken in the line of duty this morning)
• Draw the curtains (it's getting dark after all)
• Make a cup of tea (green)
• Open Skype and hope McBride is online (then close it down after finding out he's not)
• Drink Tea whilst watching the rest of Simpsons. (burn tongue in process)
• Receive text from Mr McBride (read and reply once more)
• Take empty crisp packet and fold it into a triangle. (pointless exercise but and OCD none the less)
• Sigh and pick up papers. (slowly)
• Answer ringing phone (hurrah, saved by the bell)
• Think about the term 'saved by the bell' and reminisce about the tacky but awesome TV programme. (by the time I grab my books and I give myself a look.... oh dear)
• See it's getting late so go upstairs and put on PJ's (snuggly socks too)
• Come back down and look at paperwork. ( with narrow eyes)
• Say 'Meh' and push it all aside, (and think about more tea)
• Open Blogger.