Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Cluck Cluck

Steffi and I got drunk!
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At two in the afternoon.
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I'll start at the beginning, using bullet points until the point when the story reached two pm (ish) on Saturday 26th May.
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  • Cricket and I drive to Portsmouth on the Thursday. We have curry with the folks Thursday night. We go shopping on Friday morning, sit on the guildhall steps and catch the sun (Cricket gets 'hair tan') and Steffi and I head off to Bournemouth on Friday afternoon.
  • We pick up Mummy Lin (Auntie) and Nat (Cousin) on the way. Then, armed with some party clothes, a bikini or two and a bag full of fallac shaped novelties, head off to Gemba's Hen do.
  • So you're aware, Gemba is marrying my cousin Jon in about five weeks time. There are about 18 'hens' all together.
  • Friday evening is spent in a small pub. we eat a meal, we get frustrated with a stag party from Dover, then watch as a scantily clad woman dances for them. (She also makes out with her equally 'flesh showing' friend.) We then head back to the hotel and dip our feel in the pool.
  • Saturday morning we walk along Bournemouth sea front. We get airbrush tattoos, we walk back, we lounge by the pool, we catch more sun, we walk to a local bar.
  • End Of Bullet Points
So this is a cocktail making lesson. To be fair, I'm expecting some easy to follow, easy to make, maybe even slightly watered down cocktail. Yep, that's what I thought.
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We're given a few jugs of purple ribena flavoured squash. It's about 30 degrees so we gladly glug it down. only to be told that they were actually quite alcoholic. Oh well, never mind. Three glasses go down nicely in the heat. Not the most mature thinking, maybe.
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Then we stand around the bar and watch the bar staff make a 'Traffic light'. T traffic light has three layers, red orange and green,(hence the name, obvious when you think about it.). We are told how to measure the shots, bang the shakers together, shake it up and pour it in. We then go behind the bar six at a time and make our own 'Traffic light'
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We are all still quite well behaved at this point. Cameras are clicking, people are laughing and I successfully make my first cocktail other than my trusty 'White Russian'. Then Steffi takes a turn.
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How To Make A Traffic Light
How Steffi makes a Traffic Light
One shot of Midori (Melon liquor) pour over ice
Two shots of midori (plus a little bit that 'fell in') pour over ice
One shot of peach schnapps with two and a half shots of orange juice (Shaken and poured over midori)
Two shots of peach schnapps with one shot of orange juice, (Shaken,) lose the ability to open the shaker (Optional)
One shot of vodka and two shots of cranberry juice (again, shaken and poured over orange juice)
Two shots of vodka and a dash of cranberry juice (again shake and fail at opening the shaker.
Enjoy responsibly
Knock back in a matter of moments.
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And the afternoon pretty much goes from there. We all make a cocktail, then we taste a selection of other cocktails. One is an Appletini and another another tastes like a blue slush puppy. Nat and I work out that if we stand at the very back of the tasting queue, we can finish off the cocktails. We then choose our favourite and take it in turns to make our chosen one. Mine is red and green. (more midori and a disarono concoction. And Steffi chooses the blue slush puppy.
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We make our 'tails and the same thing happens. I have video evidence of Steffi pouring a large amount of vodka straight from the bottle into the glass before handing over both bottle and shot measure to the woman next to her and saying 'One shot of that.' 
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It's very hot, the cocktails go down very quickly and heads begin to get fuzzy. Steffi is very giggly, I'm getting very loud. Everyone is very happy. Steffi then shouts very loudly to the bar staff over the din 'HAVE YOU GOT A PAMPHLET?' 
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I pamphlet. On how to make cocktails. 
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These are the only secrets I shall share with you, sweet reader. For what happens at the hen do, goes on facebook but never on blogger.
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But I got my mother drunk for the first time in a very very long time. And a drunk Steffi is like a normal Steffi, just with a dirtier laugh.
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And she can hop like a frog when she wants to.


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