Happiness is...

...Serving an 80 year old woman.

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OK so that doesn't sound like the greatest thing around but let me explain.

~*~

I'm half way through selling an 80 year old (we'll call her Betty, just to make it easier) a pair of earrings. Betty is quite fond of pearls it would seem and is hoping to buy a pair of simple studs for her grand daughter. As we're talking about the 9ct gold and the fresh water pearls, someones mobile begins to ring in the queue behind her.

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'If you like it then you should have put a ring on it,

If you like it then you should have put a ring on it,

If you like it then you should have put a ring on it,

oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh'

~*~

The queue all turn to each other with looks of 'Well it's not me.' Betty turns around, shakes her head and smiles at me. "probably someone with they're earphones in who can't hear their own phone ringing."

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Then she reaches in her pocket and pulls out a mobile phone 'Or maybe it's just an old woman who's forgotten she downloaded a new ring tone.'

~*~

This little old lady not only had Beyonce as her ring tone, she downloaded it herself. Betty is a legend!

One Of Those Days..

04:30  ~ Wake up to the sound of the title music on a 'Friends' DVD. Try to get out of bed without opening eyes too much and bang shin on the bedside table.

09:30 ~ Wake up to my alarm and find McBride still lying with his arm across my tummy. He should have been in school half an hour ago.

09:35 ~ Into shower. Still quite sleepy and hazy eyed. Accidently put face scrub in hair. After worrying about the exfoliating 'bits' rubbing hair off or something equally ridiculous, wash hair properly with herbal essences.

09:50 ~ After moisturising, find I've only shaved one leg.

10:15 ~ Burn tongue on tea.

10:50 ~ Walk to train station and find out at the ticket booth that purse is still on the coffee table. Walk back home and retrieve before trying again.

11:15 ~ Arrive at work and begin to change, put t-shirt on back to front.

11:30 ~ Begin shift.

11:35 ~ Head butt window whilst helping a customer.

11:45 ~ Finally realise t-shirt is on back to front.

13:40 ~ Ask a fund raiser to send us a letter on 'pedded haper' instead of headed paper.

14:00  ~ Begin to lose voice.

15:10 ~ Choke on a monster munch during a break.

16:30 ~ Voice goes completely.

16:45 ~ Take bins down to basement, slip up on stairs.

20:00 ~ Close up shop and walk to train station.

20:05 ~ Stand on the join on the escalator step and lose balance as steps descend.

20:15 ~ Arrive home, fill kettle to make tea.

20:40 ~ Realise the kettle will boil quicker when switched on.

Off to bed soon, hopefully I won't lose my foot to frost bite or fall over a badger on the way.

Finally.

I can finally tell you the fantastic news that I have internet in my flat. Hurrah! Let's all get drunk and celebrate. It only took two months.

~*~

So much, So Much SO MUCH to tell you. I tell you now, this will be a long one. Go get some tea.

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Right. I'm in my kitchen right now. how exciting is that. OUR kitchen. Mine and McBride's. We have co-habited (is that right?) And I have made more cookies than ever before. McBride must be loving it.

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Well, maybe not. The poor guy has a broken toe. Broken the day before Steffi and Gary arrived. Apparently in class they were running around bare foot (Remember, McBride is a 26 year old and this is not a pre school) when someone ran into him and sort of snapped his toe backwards! Ouchy. So he's limping around with a swollen foot. I, being the ever careful girl I am, have managed to tread on it roughly 68 times already in the two weeks he's had it. I did buy him Danger Mouse slippers to say sorry though so I think I'm back in his good books.

~*~

So Steffi and Gary came to stay a couple of weeks ago. That was pretty epic. Hosting's good fun. I spent a week on a sofa bed and didn't break my back, which is cool. Steffi and I walked for miles shopping, which was also cool. It was just awesome to see them again. Steffi cried when she got here, cried when she left, the poor woman was almost hysterical when she met me from work the day they arrived.

~*~

So work (see what I'm doing here? little links between paragraphs to make it flow. Good ey?) I now work in a jewellers. It's fabulous. Lots of sparkly things, a gold, a diamonds. We had a guy come in one Friday who bought an engagement ring. He then came in on the Sunday and said "She said yes, thank you so much for helping me, she loved the ring. Thank you." so job satisfaction is of a high level. We also keep chocolates behind the till which always makes me smile. It makes the walk home seem shorter.

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Yep, I walk to work and back everyday. I walk through Glasgow green which is all orange and red at the moment. Apart from early mornings when it's white and frosty, (or when it's pouring down, in which case, i catch the train.) It's a lovely park and comes complete with a beautiful fountain and 'The People's Palace' which is like a city museum. Come visit, we can go there some time. We'll get cake.

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Cake, mmm.

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Ok so that wasn't really a link to a new paragraph but the thought of cake makes me smile. As does the boy in the next room playing his guitar. I'll get soppy for a moment. skip the next bit if you wish.

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Living with him is wonderful. Waking up next to him in the morning and thinking, 'This is ours. We paid for this.' It makes me feel great. Coming in from work and finding post on the floor addressed to both of us. Hearing him sing in the shower. it all makes my tummy a bit fizzy. I like it.

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But I miss people so much. you know who you are (Ooh, how very cryptic.) Before getting the job, I was very lonely in the day time and had resorted to ridiculous things like watching 'Loose Women' to pass the time. Not a good plan. Although I kind of envy them. I wish I could get paid to sit for an hour bitching about the world. Lucky sods.

~*~

This post has somehow lost it's way. I'm sorry. My posts will go back to their usual random selves soon. I just wanted to update you on life in the north. A life where the little things are making my day.

• Leaving my tights on the heater whilst I have a wash in the morning
• Listening the the dozens of busking on the high street (A whole post will be dedicated to this)
• Introducing McBride to musicals in order for him to find a song for school.
• Watching Hugh Fernley-wittydoo-dah on Channel Four and thinking 'I'm so making that at the weekend'
• Watching the old guy and his really fat dog walk past every morning at the same time.
• Pretending to be in a music video when walking through the park early in the morning whilst listening to Sigur Ros.
• Using phrases like 'No, you can't have mashed potato, we're too poor to buy a potato masher'

~*~

Life is pretty cool at present.

~*~

Now if only I could work the blender...

Home

OK. Let's be honest.I lied when I said I'd be online in just over a week. As you can see a month has gone by and I'm only just blogging again, and it's not even from my lap top. I'm through in Edinburgh on LizBirds netbook waiting for the motive to get out of my pyjamas and jump on the bus back home.

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Home. My home. Bridgeton in Glasgow is now my home. It feels weird to say it but it's true. After a night out, I feel that comfort when I turn the key in the door. It's home to me, not a place to stay before heading off again the next day. It took a couple of weeks to feel that way but it is now. My pictures are on the walls, my momentos are held on my fridge with my magnets. My dresses are hanging in my wardrobe. I have settled.

~*~

I get my Internet on Thursday. Hurrah! I can finally sell my crap on Ebay. I can also update you properly on all the very exciting things I'll get up to. things like dodging charity workers (guiltily) eating cake (even more guiltily!) and spending too much money in Lush (unguiltily, if that's a real word) So keep your chin up. I'll be back sooner than you think with anecdotes and other things. ooh it's exciting isn't it?

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No?

OK then.

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See you soon

Yep, Still Here

Och aye!!!

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Yes, I'm still here, sat at the RSAMD on a classroom computer printing off CV's. Unfortunately I only have about 47 seconds before I have to rush off to buy a washing machine. But never you fear, lovely reader.

~*~

In about a week I shall have full internet access in my new flat. I have been jotting down bits and bobs on my lap top ready to copy and paste as and when. As soon as I'm up and running, you shall be invited into the wonderful world of me.!

~*~

Thank you for your patience whilst this little blip called moving gets in the way of life.

~*~

Love to all from northern skies.

Small people

British summers, they're full of drizzle, screaming children and the faint smell of drains. (Maybe it's just Portsmouth that deals with the last one.)

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So, armed with a big bottle of juice, cardigans, sun cream, jammy dodgers and camera, McBrde and I venture out to the seafront with a seven year old. (No worries, we had asked to borrow her from my cousin. We didn't just ake a random child from Sommerstown.)

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Little'in  wants to see the butterflies and the dinosaur so first stop is the common. Looking out to sea with a look of contemplation is a 50 ft dinosaur.  (I will say, the size is approxamate. As we type, McBride is looking into the middle distance and chewing the side of his mouth in a 'round about...probably...something like...' way),The dinosuaris part of an artist project that is also at a Local Gallery. We take some pictures and have a wander around the feet. Little'in then kicks the back leg and says "It's made of plastic don't you know?" We then cross over to the beach and throw stones. I pretend to throw little'in in the sea. Little'in tries to push McBride into the sea. McBride takes its a little further and gets me in a firemans lift.

~*~

Next it's the arcade. It's ridiculous how accictive a two pence machine can get. It's also ridiculous how heavy the toys in the grabbing macine can be. Little'in is left empty handed after a massive win on the two pence machine. So we decide to cheer up up again by walking to the butterflies.

~*~

McBride has to pop to see a friend so Little'in and I have a race all the way to the toilets. I'd forgotton that small children don't have strong bladders. I'd also forgotton the reason why I'd grown such a strong bladder. It's the public toilets on the seafront.

~*~

Canoo Lake. Lots of small children with brightly coloured nets trying in catch tiny fish. There's families playing bumper pedlos and old people feeding pidgeons. Little'in and I sit on a bench dedicated to 'Ken Miller' and wait for McBride to return. I start daydreaming and only resurface when Little'im jumps on the bench and frantically waves her arms around. "He's not waving back.I think he needs to go to Specsavers!"

~*~

Cuberland House has not changed at all since my first trip back around 1991. I'm sure it hasn't changed since 1951 to be honest. But all the same, we wander round, looking at a texidermists dream. Everytime we see the word 'Southampton' We are bombarded with facts about the Titanic. "That's where the Titanic sailed from. The Titanic hit an iceburg. Did you know the Titanic was meant to go to America?" Guess what this terms topic was a school.

~*~

Anyway. We look at fish, stuffed animals and butterflies. We see a woman breast feeding quite openly in the butterfly house, (bit strange) And rush around after a 7 year following the same conversation over and over. "what's this?" "That's a..." "what's this?" "Well that's a..." "What's that?" "Stand still for two seconds and I'll explain." No matter how much wisdom McBride and me want to embark, we're back out the front door within about 20 minutes.

~*~

Did you know that the pavement outside the natural history museum is made of fire? No? Us neither. But little'in is certain and uses this as a legitimate reason to scramble around trying to get on McBride's shoulders. Seriously pickle, It's starting to rain and we're waiting for a lift from a lady who promised us she'd be here 10 minutes ago. Calm down and ssshhhh.

~*~

Children are great. They're full of questions that you know will take yonks to answer "Why is the queens husband not the king?" They say the most 'old people' things. "So, how are those eggs of yours coming along then?" and they make you quickly remember that you're no very fit. "Lets race to that tree!"

~*~

At least when they're not yours, you can give them back when you're done.

Finding Things Out The Hard Way

Yesterday was the first day of my holiday. It was also a family friends 18th Birthday. I love a good party so decided to start my preparation early in the evening. I ran a hot bath, crumbled in a lush bubble bar and soaked myself into a prune.

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I also thought it would be a brilliant idea to have a packet of Maryland cookies next to me. I can assure you now that it's not. I'm reminded of the monster munch incident as I take a bite out of cookie number four. Yep, it breaks.Yep it falls into the water. Yep it all happens in stupidly slow slow-mo. Crap.

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So the next two minutes are spent fishing around under the bubbles for half a cookie. I've got images of the bubbles fizzling out as the sugar content eats away at the bath water. I have horrible thoughts about putting my hand underwater to discover my broken cookie has done a 'Gremlin' on me and turned into a scary human killing monster cookie. I swish my hand around and find it. A soggy, crumble piece of used-to-be-yumminess.

~*~

Just when I think it's over, I grab the cookie and apply a little too much pressure. It crumbles into millions and millions (no exaggeration, honest) of pieces that float to the top. My water has been contaminated. I can feel the crumbs between my toes. This is not how a lush bath is meant to feel. No other option, the plug comes out, as does the McFarley.

~*~

Being an 18th party, there were many teenagers present at the venue. Many of the men drunk on a pint of cider. Many  of the girls in dresses they look uncomfortable in. All but one of the girls. She looks very comfy in her tight grey mini dress. So confident in fact that she allows one of the boys to swing her around when a song they like comes on.

~*~

But unfortunately what begins as a fifties style jive turns into a bit of a horrific moment. He swings her legs over in my direction. I turn around at the wrong moment and...No, no shoe in the mouth, no kick in the head. Just a flash up the skirt. (I must stress once more that this is a mini dress)

~*~

There is nothing on under said skirt. Nothing. For what seems like a lifetime I am face to face with a 18 year olds...thing. Oh god, put the girl down, PUT HER DOWN!