Saturday Night Check List.

• Make sure you know what you're wearing in advance.

Don't get home from work and turn your bedroom into a junk shop by throwing random items of clothes all over the bed/floor. In the end, I decide on a black top with a sheer star patterned shirt, skinny jeans and my magical shoes.

• A glass of wine whilst painting your nails is optional but lovely.

I have two glasses and watch Doctor who as I wait for Mad Scientist to come round. He was late! I'll let him off.

• Book a taxi driver who knows where he's going.

We hop in and ask for one club then get dropped off outside another. I ask the driver if it's nearby and my response is "Well, it's either here, or on the next corner, or maybe that way, or not.' Cheers mate.

• Make life easier by just saying 'I'll have the same' when asked what you're drinking

This way, I ended up with G and T. Then Desperado's, Then JD an coke. (a drink I don't remember ordering. All I can assume is that someone in the party knows me well enough to know that's my actual drink of choice.) A pretty impressive variation on alcohol. Even if I do say so myself.

• Don't stare at other girls

Too many girls come into the bar in teeny weeny dresses. One girl plays pool nearby with about 20 guys watching her. When she bends over, I can almost see what she had for breakfast. Maybe I'm just getting old. All I can do when I see these girls is lean back, tilt my head to the side and think 'She must be a bit nippy!'

• Look after your friends.

When one goes down, get her to the loo. Give her water, hold back her hair if need be. (luckily I don't have to do this as my casualty has short hair.) Help her take off her bangles and watch. Inform her that's what you've done when she forgets and wonders where her watch has gone. Tell her you're there as a substitute when she asks for her Mum. Stay with her when she falls asleep on the loo seat. Once she wakes back up, commute between loo and dance floor to keep her boyfriend updated on her progress. Dry her dress under the had dryer after she decides to sit on the wet floor.

• Change your shoes once outside.

Otherwise you end up in a LOT of pain. Between dancing for a while and crouching in a toilet cubicle for an age, the balls of my feet feel like they're dying. A taxi won't arrive, it's raining and I'm sure that's the sun I can see rising. Right I've had enough. Mad Scientist and I head down Buchanan Street. Me in bare feet. Him holding my left shoe, me holding the right (So they don't rub together and rub any glitter off. Logic) and that's how it goes until a taxi finally has it's light on. Home!

• Don't offer and sofa for the night and not offer breakfast.

Sorry Mad Scientist. You had to sleep on a sofa, then wake up and make your own breakfast. Then go to work on a Sunday! I'm a rubbish hostess.

• Dance, take photos, hug everyone, kiss people on the cheek in a melodramatic fashion, laugh loudly, sing louder, Have the time of your life!

Happy Birthday V!