Saying Goobye

I did it. I told the children I teach that I won't be back after the summer holidays. I thought it was going to be an easy job. A short sentence that consisted of 'sorry guys but I won't be back in September' but as I looked at them, I would rather had said ANYTHING else. So I fumbled for words and spat them out through what I won't admit were pulled back tears. It wasn't until I was sat there in front of them that I realised how much they all mean to me. How much we've grown, it's odd but I don't really want to leave them. If only the arts centre weren't so annoying. I'll miss those kids more than I thought. ~*~ But I am off the Scotland in 3 weeks. McBride needs to find a house and I need to visit the Glasgow Primark! Two reasons to get exited. Well, until I realise once again that I'm losing this beautiful boy to this beautiful city. I have moments like this but soon shuffle them off to the corner of my mind. For now anyway. At least I don't have to say goodbye to him just yet. Thankfully.

Bus Journeys

Past Kwik Fit (or however it's spelt) through London Road shops. Look into MacDonalds to see if anyone's brave enough. Past Mark Antony's hair dressing (with it's lack of customers and a broken window covered in MDF) Round the corner. Past wacky warehouse. Down Mile End ( with the blocks of flats with different coloured panelling) Into town. Look in Greggs, Look at deals in Iceland's window. Off into Queens Street. Stop for ten minutes at traffic lights (watch black birds in bushes outside Victoria park) Past newest developments (wish to be rich enough to live there.) Marvel and the little subway that's always empty but always clean as a pin. Round the corner at the Dockyard. (stare at the millions of Foreign Exchange Students) Into the hard. Off the bus. Walk past the 'no pedestrians past this point' sign. Under the tunnel. Past the constantly singing Bob the Builder ride. Into shop

~*~ I've done this journey one too many times

Turning round for less than a pound

Today we went to Conwy falls. Earlier in the week, we went to Swallow falls. At both waterfalls, we were met with a turn stile and a £1 fee. However, both times, we got in for half price or less.

~*~

We got up especially early to go to Swallow falls on Tuesday, knowing only too well how busy half term can be at 'free' attractions. We pulled into the layby and got out our funky trekking trainers, back packs and big bottles of water. I remembered from last time that the walk from the bottom was both long and slightly tiring...oh...we have to pay...Oh, It only takes pound coins.

Crap.

~*~

Between the six of us, Only Mr McBride had any change on him. And that change consisted of three 20 pence pieces, some coppers and two pound coins. Crap

~*~

So me and steffi squeezed into the turn stile and drop in the coin before slowely stumbling round and out the other side. Thats two in for the price of one! Mr McBride gave Auntie Lin his second pound coin then walked around to find a seven foot fence whcih he and Trevortrevortrevor clambered over. That left Gary and Auntie Lin squashing backpacks and squeezing together to somehow get through. So thats six for the price of two. Now thats a bargain!

~*~

Five minutes later we were out again! all that was left was the waterfall itself. Pretty as it was, it wasn't the same without the lovely long walk that shuffles alongside it. Never mind. Conwy Falls...oh

~*~

Another turn stile! another squeeze! This time we got in for exactly half price, going through like the animals in the ark. Luckily this time we had a pleasant enough walk towards the waterfall. But when we got there, Health and Safety had stomped all over it and put a fence right back so you couldn't get near enough to get a decent picture! no risk in anything these days.

~*~

On the way out, we stopped in the cafe for a drink. This was when we realised that the front door of the cafe (we came in the back door, just to clarify) lead right out to the carpark. If we wanted, we could have walked through the cafe to get to the walk, no turn stile needed!

~*~

Hind sights a wondeful thing!

So here I am, sitting in a farmhouse kitchen, eating pringles and staring out at the mountain range that tiptoes behind my back garden. I sit here, typing away, knowing full well that by seven o'clock tomorrow morning, I'll be up, cooking eggs and getting ready for what I'm sure will be a bloody exhausting day. yet there's not been a single minute so far that I've regretted.

~*~

I apologise, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm in Wales, in a cottage on the very border of the Snowdonia National Park. My feet ache, My legs hurt, My nose is slightly sun burnt and I've pulled a muscle in my right arm, but i can honestly say i don't give a s***

~*~

Because I climbed Mount Snowdon on Sunday. After 8 hours being cramped in the back of a Ford Escort on Saturday, My and my family trekked up the 1085 metres that is the highest mountain in England and Wales. ~*~

I'm sure God was looking down on us yelling "Day of rest guys, that's why i invented the bloody day, as a day of rest!" But all the same, I, along with my Mr McBride, the ones they call Steffi and Gary, as well as Auntie Lin And Trevortrevortrevor, made it to the top.

~*~

Now, I'd like to say that it was easy. But it really really wasn't. There were times when i actually didn't think i could move my right foot in front of my left. The ground was steep, then uneven, then covered in loose slate, then muddy, then slippy. Added to that was the fact that Sunday was predicted to be the only 'good weather' day of the half term week. Because of this, half the country set out alongside us.

~*~

We got three quarters of the way up when it got too much for Auntie Lin. So unfortunately, we left her with a large bottle of water on the grass and stumbled the last mile. And the moment we reached the top, I realised the sheer force the human spirit can have.

~*~

From about half way up, the only thing keeping my going was the thought in my head "you've come this far, you cant bloody stop now." It amazed my, watching the frowning pained faces of everyone how much strength and determination a person can pull together when faced with a challenge.

~*~

From the top, the view was... I don't actually think there's a word, beautiful? breathtaking? stunning? I don't know, I just know that every little bit of me felt so totally...chuffed. I could look over the range and think to myself "I worked bloody hard for this." The adrenaline rush was immense. Either that or it was the very steep peak that made my heart beat so flipping fast. ~*~

Two minutes after heading back down, we were met with a very tired looking Auntie Lin on a rock just round the corner from the peak. After watching the rest of us soldier on, She had made it to the top, at her own pace. and I think that made me smile more than any of the views I experienced at the top. My own feat was shadowed by this lady, who, like the tortoise, took her time and got to the top. Like she said "I was not going to let it beat me. I was not going to get that far then call it a day." ~*~

You see, Human spirit.

Sorry, that was quite long. Thank you for sticking with me.

~*~

Oh, halfway down, we saw a guy who was at least 70 ambling up and a comfortable place. But, another day, another story.

Time Slots

'Your parcel will be collected on Tuesday between the hours of nine and half four.'

Can you give me a slightly smaller time scale? Am? Pm?

'Somewhere between nine and half four.'

~*~

UPS and their wonderful customer services!

ho hum. McBride has the day off today so we're chilling out until I have to teach the knee high army at Havant. I need to send off my IPhone to be fixed. Yes, It broke. I'll live! although it's not until you lose your phone/ipod/Internet/email/gameboy/dishwasher (OK that last one's a lie) that you realise how bloody useful the thing is.

~*~

Still, I got to spend the whole weekend in PJ's for comic relief, which was comfy and made me immediately happy happy happy. I'm certain there's something wonderfully psychological about pyjamas. When you wear them (I'm talking about those baggy long legged, wrapped up warm snug as a bug ones) you feel, secure, slightly dreamy and all round, a lot happier than when you have to wear smart clothes. My boss wore a bath robe. Respect there!

~*~

Ah yes, my boss! I have a new manager, and he's good! I know. Hard to believe but so far so very very good. Fingers crossed for good things again,

~*~

What else? Closer is going well. It's reassuring to know we still have a good number of rehearsals and already the lines are nearly there, as is the relationships. The other cast members are extremely good, and we're laughing a lot during rehearsals. which I'm taking as a good sign. I read in Kittens blog that she's feeling slightly worried about all this corpsing. But i just think it's a good thing that we're having these lighter moments. Let's face it, the play's hardly a heart warming fairytale. I hope the happy moments help us through the screamy moments.

Lines like "f*** off and die you f***** up s***" and "You're a piece of s***" aren't exactly happy lines to say to your friends. Still, It's looking good and sounding good. So that's all that matters. I think.

~*~

That was quite a little babble then. sorry if it didn't actually make sense.

~*~

Listening to the Killers latest album. 'Tis rather splendid I think. I'm in Love with Brandon Flowers which is a good start. But I just think that some of their lyrics are very good.

"Now Cinderella don't you go to sleep, It's such a bitter form of refuge"

"I never really gave up on breaking out of this two star town"

"And I just can't look, it's killing me"

I love music. It's wonderful

As are you for getting this far.

~*~

Dreams

Mr McBride caught himself an unconditional place at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music And Drama!

Yey

That's in Glasgow

Boo!

~*~

So for the next........length of time, I'll be miles away from the person who makes me smile the most.

But, I know that it's for the best and it's not fair on either of us if I trot along at his heels all the way to a place where i know no one, have no job, no life. It's better that I stay down here.

It's been over two years since we got together. But there's still a part of me that is worried he'll find someone up there that's better for him. I know there's prettier girls, funnier girls, sweeter girls. It's just a paranoia problem and will go away. I hope so anyway.

~*~

At least i get to keep him for 6 more months before the glittering lights call him away.

A New Baby In The World

Yesterday was apparently the most romantic day of the year. Roses, Chocolates, Wine and 13 year old fathers. Like most people, I didn't quite know what to say at first when I read the story of Alfie, the boy who got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant at the ripe old age of 12. I think the sadest thing about this whole 'Family' is the fact that the poor baby thats been thrown into the world will probably end up going down a similar road. The thought that these two children have no quilifications and no money is bad enough. But the fact that every goal they've ever had, every dream, every wish, has been completely shattered before they've even left School. At the end of the day, a baby has tumbled into this world before either of it's parents has had a shot at life themselves. Their childhoods have come to an end before they've even tried to be adults. When i was 12, I was worrying about the bigger girls at school, going to dance classes, riding my bike down to the park. There wasn't a single thought in my mind that I might be starting a family soon. It scares me that this Alfie will be starting college as his child starts school. There's something now right about that thought.