Welcome Back.

Remember me?

~*~

After three very blog free months, I'm back. You look lovely. My how you've grown. Is that a new hair cut?

~*~

I need to explain. The past three months have been somewhat...fiddly. A lot has changed. I'm now in a new flat for starters. I've left the bright red kitchen of Anson Street for a bigger/cheaper/nicer flat around the corner. It's lovely.

~*~

Well...

~*~

McBride and I have called time. It's been a bit of a roller coster if I'm honest, but that's not what this post is about. I'm not going to sit here and bitch and moan. Partly because I don't want to bore you, partly because it's personal, but mostly because I don't have a bad word to say about him. If anything I admire his commitment and bravery. I feel honoured to be able to spend 4 years and 4 months of my life by his side. He's a hero. He's a wonderful person. I love him. I always will.

~*~

So this post is really just a wave and an 'I'm still alive!' I've got a lot of things to talk about but another time maybe.

~*~

I've missed blog. I'll be back more often in future.

Another day/store/customer

Sometimes in my job I have to travel to another store to help out.

~*~

So when you set the scene, don't picture my store ( a store in which most of you have never seen.) and picture a different store ( a store which almost every single one of you has ever seen.)

~*~

A guy comes in and asks me if he can get a hand with something he's seen in the window. I walk out and we stand together at the diamond rings. Like with most diamond customers, the journey turns my pupils into little dollar signs for  split second.

~*~

He asks me all the relevant questions. Why is this one more expensive?  Which ones are 18 carat gold, What's the difference between this and this, that kind of thing. I'm giving all the right answers and I'm really beginning to think this guy want a good couple of hundred pounds worth of diamond. That's when it happened.

~*~

I'm pretty confident that you know the direction my blogs usually go. It turns into a bit of a rant, something happens that makes the initial conversation (and fisrt half of each post) redundant. But I'm also confident that, out of all the possibilities floating around your head, what actually happens isn't one of them. (unless you're V, or Steffi, in which case, we've had this conversation)

~*~

He turns to me, mid sentence and looks me straight in the eye. He smiles slightly but looks a little confused. 'Are you English?'

'Yes.' I say, a little confused myself.

'Oh, never mind.' he says, and waves me aside before walking out of the shop and onto the street. I'm left in front of the diamonds with a confused look, raised eyebrows and a feeling of utter rejection.

~*~

I'm English, apparently that's not a quality that makes you eligible to sell diamond rings.

~*~

Maybe I'm in the wrong profession.

Curiosity Killed The Charles

So, I'm a tad bit bored and I open up my lap top.

Do you ever do that thing where you just type in your own name into the Google search?

~*~

Now I don't type in my real name because the last time I did that, a picture of a grave stone was the first image result. That spooked me a wee bit I'll admit. Instead I wrote Ms McFarley. My OTHER name. The one people call me more often it would seem. I remember a friend once said to me 'I was trying to find you in my facebook friends the other day and I couldn't find you. Then I remembered that your surname isn't actually McFarley.'

~*~

The usual came up, twitter account, my blog, my ebay. All under the same name. Then I came across a website called 123people. This was the website that scared me. Well, it didn't scare me so much as make me think 'Spooky!'

~*~

It knows I was 'minx like' in Closer. It knows I have a picture of me with Mickey Mouse as my profile pic and it also knows I tweet Philip Schofield. But that's nothing compared to the 'Tag Cloud'! The 'Tag Cloud' is a small box filled with random words that are linked to me. Now some of them are linked to other people with a similar name (At least that's what I hope) but some... Well

~*~

Martin, Corrigan, Bench, Damon, Terry, Actor,

~*~

Now I know that's not amazing but It makes me look at the page then around the room thinking 'They're everywhere, they're spying on me!'

~*~

Then again, I also have the word 'lumber' in there.

~*~

But, just as I get over this and go back to google, I come across this

Fungus home remedies for vaginitis

From: MsMcFarley (Charley Callaway) Retweet! Less than a minute ago. Complete resource providing free work at home jobs online, careers, ...

~*~

Now, the website has apparently been suspended but that doesn't stop me from wondering if I've been

a: Hacked

b: Blogging in my sleep

c: suffering from a weird fungal disease which has given me amnesia.

~*~

Curiosity isn't a good thing. Neither is paranoia!

A Pointless Post.

It's nine o'clock, and it's not dark! I love it.

~*~

OK, a strange start to a post I'll admit but, after months of snow, cold, frozen noses and sniffles, it's nice to be able to walk down the street in a light cardigan and just one pair of tights. (Tights are a uniform requirement otherwise I wouldn't wear them in the summer.)

~*~

However. I miss my ear muffs. So...

~*~

In the red corner, It's months long and full of high heating bills and flu, it's WINTER.

In the blue corner. She's unpredictable, short and brings hay fever, it's SUMMER.

~*~

Summer brings BBQ's and the smell of someone else's BBQ. (I feel like other BBQ's smell better. It may just be me.) It holds ice creams, it's smells like sun tan, cut grass, 'after rain'. It gives you beer gardens, cider, festivals and evening walks along the beach. It gives you a craving to go to the arcade and lose all your money in a 2p machine.

It lets you wear maxi dresses, flip flops, straw hats, over sized sunglasses. It allows you to walk around in the evening in just a dress. It makes you want to walk more, socialise more. Summer has a lot to offer.

~*~

Winter... Winter bring snowflakes landing on your eyelashes. It brings snow angels, hot chocolate, gingerbread men. (OK so that's available all year but...) It gives you mittens, big slippers. Warm cosy beds, your boyfriends hoody and that all important hot bubble bath. It lets you wear thick snuggly tights and big scarves.

It brings an excuse to stay in and eat pizza. It lets you invest in ugg boots and warm toasted paninis. It smells like bonfire night and brings the sweets of Halloween. ooh, but is that enough?

~*~

Summer gives you hay fever. puffy eyes, stuffy head and sneezes. It brings wasps, flies and overweight men with their shirts off. It comes with girls in shorts where the pockets are longer than the shorts themselves. It gives you a sweaty back. It makes the inside of a car like a furnace and makes the metal part of the seat belt burn you. It makes you drink alcohol quicker. It gives you 'flip flop feet' (a blister between your two biggest toes) and frown tan. Winter is bringing it back!

~*~

Winter brings shivers so bad your back hurts. It brings slippery streets and cries of 'not enough grit to go around.' It brings traffic jams, a long wait in your car for the window to de-mist and public transport with broken heaters. It brings blue fingers and red noses. It makes you get up earlier due to the amount of clothes you have to wear. It makes the bathroom floor frozen. It makes getting out of the shower a hell. Summers might have this.

~*~

We're not going to settle this.

~*~

Oh hang on...Christmas. Winter wins!

True Love

A royal wedding took place on Friday. I said I wouldn't watch it. I did. Partly because I wanted to be part of something. Partly because I wanted to see that dress. Partly because, like most girls, I wanted to dream about my own wedding day. But something else happened that day that put the loved up newly weds in the shade. On a day full of love and affection, this was what made me feel truly privileged and part of something magical.

~*~

The folks and I, along with my friend Fred (Her real name's Nats but there you go, everyone needs a blog name ey?) went to a local social club. My folks have recently joined a bowls club so we went out to test the dart board and the cider. Both very good.

~*~

On the sound system Elvis sang heart broken lyrics with a voice like chocolate. Men stood around the bar discussing cruises and lager. A few couples sat at the windows and shared wine.  Then it happened.

~*~

A husband stood up to the sound of 'Can't Help Falling In Love' and held out his hand. His wife smiled and placed her hand inside, and together they walked to the far side of the bar which led through to a darkened dance floor. No one watched them go, Only myself and Fred. In the darkness, with only each other and Mr Presley, they danced. They had escaped into their own little world full of memories made and futures to make. They needed nothing more than to look into each to others eyes and continue dancing.

~*~

Now, that may sound soppy and unlike my other posts but it's a moment I wanted to share. In a world where true love is craved but rarely found, moments like that become engraved in your heart. I looked at those couple and thought, I hope I end up like that.

~*~

I didn't think that when I watched Kate walk up the aisle.

Fashion Faux-Pas. (Flashdance style)

I have to wear black to work. So today I'm in a black dress with a black belt, black cardigan, black tights and black shoes. (My pants are blue but that's neither here nor there.)

~*~

Very ordinary yeah? Well if it helps, I got to half four before realising  that from the knees down I looked like someone out of fame!

~*~

For some reason, my tights are extra-ordinarily shiny and black and kind of look like shiny disco dancing leggings.

~*~

But that's not too bad right?

~*~

Instead of my usual heels, I'm wearing black brogues. So alongside the uber shiny leggings, they look like jazz pumps. So from the knees up, she's a conservative well presented jeweller. From the knees down?

~*~

She's a maniac, Maaaniac!

~*~

This is added to the fact I dropped toothpaste down my top this morning and got to half 11 before realising I looked like I was lactating. Also that I got dressed and out of the flat before noticing the hole in the sleeve of my cardigan. Ooh and that my hair is too soft today to do anything with and looks slightly like something out of Thundercats. And the zip on my bag broke yesterday.... I think that's it.

~*~

Maybe tomorrow I'll break out in a rash on my forehead.

~*~

Nah, that might make me look like a normal human. We can't have that.

So Apparently...

So apparently I'm an information desk

People come into my shop all the time and ask me things I either don't know or don't care about.

"Where's the nearest toilets?" "what time does TK Maxx close today?" "what's the fastest bus to Silverburn?" And these are only a few. I sell jewellery, I do not give out free tours around the city centre. There is an information desk just around the corner. Bugger off and use it.

~*~

So apparently I'm a liar.

A woman comes in and asks if she can get a link taken out of her watch. I apologise and say we unfortunately can't as we don't have the equipment. She then changes into Satan's mother in law and snaps back 'Well, the girl in your shop in East Kilbride did it for me so you can too!' I inform her that we don't have a shop in East Kilbride and that's when things get very...ggggrrr. She (quote) bought it from our shop in East Kilbride and I'm just being difficult.  Then she takes a watch we don't sell out of her bag and a receipt from a completely different shop. I explain this to her and she grabs the receipt out of my hand and says, 'Well it looks the same in here. Either you or the girl in your East Kilbride shop is a liar!' The venom in the last word of that sentence made me raise my eyebrows slightly too high. 'Forget it, I'll just go back to your East Kilbride shop!'

'Sorry but like I said, we don't have a shop there.'

Nope, I'm just white noise to her now.

~*~

So apparently I'm a lesbian

I'm standing in the stir fry section in Tesco and a chap in his sixties stands beside me with some vegetables and noodles.

'Do you think this would be enough for two?' he asks me

'Well, that's how much me and my partner have and that's the right amount for us.'

A small pause

'And..is..she a big eater?'

Damn the word 'partner'!

~*~

So apparently it's OK to let your child draw over our white wall with black crayon.

Enough said about this one really. God bless WD40

~*~

So apparently I'm coming home in less than a fortnight.

This is true. and I can't wait. My Steffi and Gary are coming up next Wednesday then I'm off home with them on the Saturday. Anyone reading this who wants to pop round and say hi just let me know. (Obviously I need to actually know you. Apparently I've got people as far as Russia and Australia reading this. No offence and thanks for reading but I'd rather spend time with people I know. ta)

~*~

So apparently this blog has a purpose.

No, I don't think so either.

~*~

Ta